This lost little robot...
Has had a busy couple of weeks. Last weeks work effort went tits up. I had three candidates in for interview and I thought this is going to be a good week. Well how wrong could i be. One got stolen by another agency, God I hate Ruella James..... One got offered £5k more with another firm. (Oo) The other was pipped at the post by a slightly better
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In the end it is all about your mindset. My mum taught me that no matter what situation I am in, I can always change it and I will always be free inside, even if I can't show that externally.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I felt so trapped with my body doing strange things that I had had no previous experience of. It freaked me out that I was viewed as an asexual incubator, and that I was no longer important as a person. I was now a "mother" and "had to grow up".
Those were labels that I didn't want to aspire to initially but had no choice. I had to step up and manage the fact that I was a mum and that I had a responsibility to ensure that I was there to help and potect Logan.
The first two years after are the years where you find your feet again and realise that you can still be yourself and "have a life". It just takes time.
I don't think I have ever truly grown up, and I don't think I want to 100%. I still want to find the beauty in things, and have wonder at the world around me. I am still hippy-esque and like things to be as simple as possible with a real depth of feeling. Logan is going to an Eco Community School which is non-denominational! How much more hippy can you get?!
If I had had two children, it would have taken longer to get to that mindset as young children do demand a lot of energy and work. But as they get more independent then you discover a whole new world of fun to explore with miniature best friend/s and it becomes less about having a rigid timetable / structure so you can actually start enjoying things again!
It sounds like Claire has got lost in the demands of motherhood, which is completely understandable as that is what needs to happen initially. She will come out of it, and maybe things would be easier for you both?
Having children is hard because there is always some deep seated resentments over tiny things because you are both exhausted and worn out. It is hard to get past them, but if you think you guys could, then you should give it all your energy.
I know that I have no energy to re-try with Gareth again as nothing has changed at all. We split up and moved out of our inner city flat about 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant, worst timing ever. I was lucky to get pregnant as I was told I was infertile at that point! So I couldn't think about not following through.
But everything has been a struggle and hard work because we were never right.
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