Theres nothing holding onto me when I fall back into this hole
what if everything hurts? what if the words you say mean nothing? what if it all disolves and we are never together again? what if
I know everyone wants me to stop thinking Im fat and stop this and stop that, but everyone calls me fatty or fatass and Im sorry but if you think that is helping, it isnt. It doesnt help at all, not even a little. I know that with me having belimia, it wasnt helping ME at all.. but it was helping the inner me, the one that everyone made think was really fat. I quit doing this eating and throwing up becuz I know it could hurt the baby and all.. and I would never wanna hurt her at all.. the only hurt I cant stop is bringin her into this family, but what if I cant hold on? With all this fatty and fatass I dunno if I can keep this going, I feel so fat that Im not eating right, Im supposed to gain 25-35 lbs during this pregnancy but Ive gained 10. Thats it 10. Becuz I dont eat, I try, and then I cant eat anything. I know Im hurting the baby and thats why I force feed myself, but thats not helping me at all.... I just dont know what to do
I feel so broken inside.
Its like its not even my body anymore.
I miss my friends, I miss skool, I miss the mall, I miss skating, I miss all the old things I used to do, and I know its my fault, but I wish I never had sex, I never did anything to ruin the fun I used to be able to have. Everyone is thinking oh sex is so kool, and I mean it is fun, but friends please think of the consenquences, look what Im going through. This is the worst pregnancy my mom has ever seen and shes seen alot. Ive been in & out of the hospital Im supposed to be on bed rest (but I dont listen) and I get many pains making everyone think Im going into labor like every day. (just look at Stevens arms, they are filled with nail holes from me digging my nails into him whenever I have pain). I dun know sumtimes I wish I could just turn back time.. It kind of scares me knowing IM gonna be a mommi. Can I do it? I have no choice =/. I suck
U're the one that lights my fire
U're the one that keeps me strong
U're the one that I depend on
When my world is goin wrong
U're the one that I hold closer
U're the man I'm dreaming of
And I really really love u
I just want u to know that
U've been the first in my life
Who has ever made me feel this way
And I won't deny
I'm gonna need u right here
By my side
^^ dedicated to Steven.
Well one thing Id have to say is that... thanks to Steven for helpin me when Im sick, and thanks when Im in pain you dont move away you let me take it on you. Thanks alot... I love you.
I know everyone wants me to stop thinking Im fat and stop this and stop that, but everyone calls me fatty or fatass and Im sorry but if you think that is helping, it isnt. It doesnt help at all, not even a little. I know that with me having belimia, it wasnt helping ME at all.. but it was helping the inner me, the one that everyone made think was really fat. I quit doing this eating and throwing up becuz I know it could hurt the baby and all.. and I would never wanna hurt her at all.. the only hurt I cant stop is bringin her into this family, but what if I cant hold on? With all this fatty and fatass I dunno if I can keep this going, I feel so fat that Im not eating right, Im supposed to gain 25-35 lbs during this pregnancy but Ive gained 10. Thats it 10. Becuz I dont eat, I try, and then I cant eat anything. I know Im hurting the baby and thats why I force feed myself, but thats not helping me at all.... I just dont know what to do
I feel so broken inside.
Its like its not even my body anymore.
I miss my friends, I miss skool, I miss the mall, I miss skating, I miss all the old things I used to do, and I know its my fault, but I wish I never had sex, I never did anything to ruin the fun I used to be able to have. Everyone is thinking oh sex is so kool, and I mean it is fun, but friends please think of the consenquences, look what Im going through. This is the worst pregnancy my mom has ever seen and shes seen alot. Ive been in & out of the hospital Im supposed to be on bed rest (but I dont listen) and I get many pains making everyone think Im going into labor like every day. (just look at Stevens arms, they are filled with nail holes from me digging my nails into him whenever I have pain). I dun know sumtimes I wish I could just turn back time.. It kind of scares me knowing IM gonna be a mommi. Can I do it? I have no choice =/. I suck
U're the one that lights my fire
U're the one that keeps me strong
U're the one that I depend on
When my world is goin wrong
U're the one that I hold closer
U're the man I'm dreaming of
And I really really love u
I just want u to know that
U've been the first in my life
Who has ever made me feel this way
And I won't deny
I'm gonna need u right here
By my side
^^ dedicated to Steven.
Well one thing Id have to say is that... thanks to Steven for helpin me when Im sick, and thanks when Im in pain you dont move away you let me take it on you. Thanks alot... I love you.