(no subject)
okay - so things havent been going so well lately.
i've taken to sitting in my room for days at a time, coming out only for food and cigarettes, reading love stories on my laptop and watching The Simpsons. the last time i went out was the Grinch-mas Bash, and that was over a week ago. my birthday is on sunday, and i dont think i'll be able to summon the excitement to go out for it.
i mean, alone time is nothing new to any of us, right? it's just... i'm not alone because i have to work something out, or there's something necessarily wrong. i'm alone because i dont want to be seen. i dont want to hang out with samir. i dont want to see jon paul. i dont want to talk 'business' with mark or morgan. i just want to sit in my room and live in the world of romance, love, conflict, resolution... the world of happy endings.
this is one situation i never thought i'd find myself in. i'm not sad, per se - not really. its just that i have come to prefer the world inside my head, the one i made up, to the one in the real world. i dont want to live that life anymore. i dont want to be Mike, or Michael, or Mick, or anyone. i just want to sit in my fucking room and read love stories. i want to exist in a world where the guy always gets the girl, where true love can actually conquer anything and everything, where people argue over things that actually MATTER, where... where people love the person who loves them.
i dont know what's wrong with me.
cant really say why; alright, maybe i can. Cathie. ever since she left me 2 months ago, things with me havent been right. and as completely NORMAL as it is to mope over a girl dumping you, especially a girl you were head over heels in love with, i'm not moping. not anymore at least (heh). i'm actually quite happy. i'm happy as long as i dont have to participate in that life anymore. i've withdrawn from what i used to be, and i would love for it to stay that way.
but i know it wont. sooner or later, i'll start feeling lonely again (i hope) and will come out of this shell and back to life. but you know? i'm happier now than i've been in months. i'm HAPPY with the world inside my room.
and maybe that's what worries me the most.
out.
i've taken to sitting in my room for days at a time, coming out only for food and cigarettes, reading love stories on my laptop and watching The Simpsons. the last time i went out was the Grinch-mas Bash, and that was over a week ago. my birthday is on sunday, and i dont think i'll be able to summon the excitement to go out for it.
i mean, alone time is nothing new to any of us, right? it's just... i'm not alone because i have to work something out, or there's something necessarily wrong. i'm alone because i dont want to be seen. i dont want to hang out with samir. i dont want to see jon paul. i dont want to talk 'business' with mark or morgan. i just want to sit in my room and live in the world of romance, love, conflict, resolution... the world of happy endings.
this is one situation i never thought i'd find myself in. i'm not sad, per se - not really. its just that i have come to prefer the world inside my head, the one i made up, to the one in the real world. i dont want to live that life anymore. i dont want to be Mike, or Michael, or Mick, or anyone. i just want to sit in my fucking room and read love stories. i want to exist in a world where the guy always gets the girl, where true love can actually conquer anything and everything, where people argue over things that actually MATTER, where... where people love the person who loves them.
i dont know what's wrong with me.
cant really say why; alright, maybe i can. Cathie. ever since she left me 2 months ago, things with me havent been right. and as completely NORMAL as it is to mope over a girl dumping you, especially a girl you were head over heels in love with, i'm not moping. not anymore at least (heh). i'm actually quite happy. i'm happy as long as i dont have to participate in that life anymore. i've withdrawn from what i used to be, and i would love for it to stay that way.
but i know it wont. sooner or later, i'll start feeling lonely again (i hope) and will come out of this shell and back to life. but you know? i'm happier now than i've been in months. i'm HAPPY with the world inside my room.
and maybe that's what worries me the most.
out.