(no subject)
I'm bored. It's 3.56 and nothing to do I will prolly finsih this post in like 20 min even though it's short cuz I have the attention span of a dog or something that just can't pay attention...idk. I drove around for a good 2 hours tonight found some cool views in pv and went wheeeee down hills and stuff. Started thinking about how boring my life really is but then again it's pretty eventfull compared to some. I just want something more but not too sure what.
I am a pest and wanna remove my pesticular side! (whatever the fuck that word means-I like making stuffs up!) And yeah every time I feel like I can be commited to becoming normal I get weird amounts of crazy energy and then later when I am all alone I get no energy and want to suffer the most anyone could. Weird stupid bipolar whateverness...I should make myself grow up. But then the adventures will be over and my mind will be clouded with what I do next rather than what am I doing now. Being prepared for anything sucks even though in the end it all works out better.
My mind seriously must be a mystery to everyone. I don't even know what I am saying half the time and hearing half the shit I hear seriously Idk. Maybe I am crazy for real. Maybe I am an attention whore and found out crazy gets attention and there for take all of it in and become it. Idk... When I have no energy I feel more happy because my moods are regular and paced. I can think better hear and communicate. I am also mucho less annoying and don't use my retard vocabulary. I talk as if I was normal and more serious. But when I do that events just are not as eventfull and intense. I create events in my head and act them out. Creation is everything in life. You can do anything if you can create something in your mind. IDK what the fuck I started talking about now...
I am just scared that becuase of what I am now will be in my future becuase I have an idea of what I want. But I really don't have the plans nor means nor motivation to create all of that nor thhe support because I am busy having people that I enjoy being around and being a stupid dumbshit with! Idk. I love my friends even though I don't have many anymore. I kinda lost everyone. :( Idk. Maybe I just stopped caring about them or they stopped caring about me or never did... Most don't care much of my wellbeing even though they may say they do. Most people say a lot of stuff. Really they don't make sense ever. Cuz like they say all this stuff and hardly commit or maybe we all do. Or maybe we all just half ass cuz the place we live and the prospects we have right now. Idk. I just used the word prospects...sounds like the street above me I like it!! :O
So yeah moving on. I really can't move on from this one idea I ahve had in my head since like a few years ago and it's hard! I wanna let go like the song!
I hate music sometimes cuz right now I am having intense flash backs from everything that happened in my life and all the fantastic and not so happppy fantastic times but whatever. Like they are soo random. It's fucking weird!! Like the past few days were insaine because like I saw stuff before it happened like it happened already but really never did. So it's really confusing. I don't know where I get my random memmories that I really don't think are mine but I have them. Like the other day playing poker with everyone but before or something when we were playing with strings outside...I had seen random moments of that day happen and was really confused. Like but then something changed at one point but I had remembered was that pretty much everyone was gonna leave and I started talking about something that I hadn't talked about before and no one left it was really odd as if I changed something...Idk. I am gettting confused with random parts of my days cuz I wake up knowing partialy random events of the day. IDK but the other day with poker was weird as all fuck cuz the whole event came into my head and I remembered all of that moment form somewhere else...but yeah it started seeing events when I was walking over to tk eric and james when we all started making the 12 year old 14 year old tight first time period female with peg leg hook to normal hand then dong girl in sand... *high five to whoever followed that*
I am not trying to say I am special or anything I am just really confused and wondering how I was seeing things that never happened in my head with the same people and everything...it was strange. Really it was confusing as all hell. Poker was never supposed to happen. What I started seeing was everyone going home at one point.
(MOST WEIRD DAY EVER PEOPLE!)
Who's gonna atleast read some of this? Raise your hand. Or read all of it and give me a high five! -Hugs work too...
I am a pest and wanna remove my pesticular side! (whatever the fuck that word means-I like making stuffs up!) And yeah every time I feel like I can be commited to becoming normal I get weird amounts of crazy energy and then later when I am all alone I get no energy and want to suffer the most anyone could. Weird stupid bipolar whateverness...I should make myself grow up. But then the adventures will be over and my mind will be clouded with what I do next rather than what am I doing now. Being prepared for anything sucks even though in the end it all works out better.
My mind seriously must be a mystery to everyone. I don't even know what I am saying half the time and hearing half the shit I hear seriously Idk. Maybe I am crazy for real. Maybe I am an attention whore and found out crazy gets attention and there for take all of it in and become it. Idk... When I have no energy I feel more happy because my moods are regular and paced. I can think better hear and communicate. I am also mucho less annoying and don't use my retard vocabulary. I talk as if I was normal and more serious. But when I do that events just are not as eventfull and intense. I create events in my head and act them out. Creation is everything in life. You can do anything if you can create something in your mind. IDK what the fuck I started talking about now...
I am just scared that becuase of what I am now will be in my future becuase I have an idea of what I want. But I really don't have the plans nor means nor motivation to create all of that nor thhe support because I am busy having people that I enjoy being around and being a stupid dumbshit with! Idk. I love my friends even though I don't have many anymore. I kinda lost everyone. :( Idk. Maybe I just stopped caring about them or they stopped caring about me or never did... Most don't care much of my wellbeing even though they may say they do. Most people say a lot of stuff. Really they don't make sense ever. Cuz like they say all this stuff and hardly commit or maybe we all do. Or maybe we all just half ass cuz the place we live and the prospects we have right now. Idk. I just used the word prospects...sounds like the street above me I like it!! :O
So yeah moving on. I really can't move on from this one idea I ahve had in my head since like a few years ago and it's hard! I wanna let go like the song!
I hate music sometimes cuz right now I am having intense flash backs from everything that happened in my life and all the fantastic and not so happppy fantastic times but whatever. Like they are soo random. It's fucking weird!! Like the past few days were insaine because like I saw stuff before it happened like it happened already but really never did. So it's really confusing. I don't know where I get my random memmories that I really don't think are mine but I have them. Like the other day playing poker with everyone but before or something when we were playing with strings outside...I had seen random moments of that day happen and was really confused. Like but then something changed at one point but I had remembered was that pretty much everyone was gonna leave and I started talking about something that I hadn't talked about before and no one left it was really odd as if I changed something...Idk. I am gettting confused with random parts of my days cuz I wake up knowing partialy random events of the day. IDK but the other day with poker was weird as all fuck cuz the whole event came into my head and I remembered all of that moment form somewhere else...but yeah it started seeing events when I was walking over to tk eric and james when we all started making the 12 year old 14 year old tight first time period female with peg leg hook to normal hand then dong girl in sand... *high five to whoever followed that*
I am not trying to say I am special or anything I am just really confused and wondering how I was seeing things that never happened in my head with the same people and everything...it was strange. Really it was confusing as all hell. Poker was never supposed to happen. What I started seeing was everyone going home at one point.
(MOST WEIRD DAY EVER PEOPLE!)
Who's gonna atleast read some of this? Raise your hand. Or read all of it and give me a high five! -Hugs work too...