(no subject)
Tonight was one of the most depressing nights I've ever had. The worst was when Amanda calls me crying and I didn't know so I began to yell at her. We haven't talked in almost 2 months so I was angry. She was balling though and talking about how bad she felt. I guess telling her it didn't matter because I loved her wasn't the best choice, but my first reation. So after not talking to her for almost 2 months and then having her cry for a minute then hang up, wasn't the best thing that could have happened to me. I then saw a few of the people that I talk to on here and online and it was such a strange feeling to see the real versions of the people who I wondered about for a long time. People are jaded and have all but let the pains of their lives corrode them and now I feel maybe I'm no different. I don't know what to say other then what a gigantic mess everything has become. Its odd how fate works to make things all but mesh in ways that I can't seem to handle or understand. Life is messy and it disgusts me.