ahhhhhhhhhhh
one word to describe me right not dead. Or Atleast i wish it upon my self. I cant sleep even tho i should because in my sleep ill be happy a little, cuz i am semi dead. Thats the only place realioty doesnt and cant bite u in the ass. My heart hurts and i am not even joking it feels worse then getting kicked in the balls. I have been dipressed all night. well except for when i 1st got here. When i 1st got here got a direct coneect from barbie asking me were i was i told her top of the drive way. She got all happy on the phone. Soon i made my way to talking to all the guys then came in here. Sat down with her gave her a kiss and was so happy to see her being that i didnt see her much yesterday. She asked me if i talked to her brother i told her no not yet. So i went back outside with the guys and just chilled. Tom came out began to talk to him to find out that she says shes uncertian about us. Now the funny thing is she seemed fine with it 10 minutues befor and then tom talked to her and i dont know what. Mabye she lied to me who the fuck cares now. So now i am all emo out and shit and want to drink. I began drinking and wouldnt stop, because of dipression. Well soon its time for me and her to talk, and we do. She tells me shes uncertain and yada yada yada so i go ok we wont date then, and i told her kind of felt like getting dumped. So when all is said in done i go back to drinking and pretending to act as if shit didnt fase me but it did oh it did. Soon later i see her all over tom. I am jelous now hurt and angered all in one Also happy. This time i was hurt and jelouse because the whole time she got me to believe her that her and tom had nothing and to spite my gut i believed so i wanted her hes got her thats the jelousy and hurt. Angry cuz i felt used and happy because she seems happy and thats all i want. I rather be this misable and her happy then me happy and her not. So now i lie a wake and just sit here in the dark and think of what i did wronge. And i def cried a little ill admit it i am a grown boy who cried over a girl my 1st time ever and i did.