Ignorance and Purity
So I haven't been able to fall asleep, because I have a lot of things on my mind, but mainly because Mikey and Chavez are watching hentai in the living room and I keep hearing the piercing moans and screams from the TV. It's so tacky and they don't care who walks in, or the fact it was 1:00AM in the morning. I have college tomorrow...Calculus II. (Which I don't feel prepared for in the least).
John came over to ask Mikey for a favor, and Mikey agreed to help John in exchange for purchasing him alcohol since he is underage. John said sure and that he doesn't see a problem with that, because alcohol doesn't hurt everyone, unlike cigarettes. Ignorant.
I tried to go to sleep, but they decided to talk in the kitchen and then started speaking louder as they talked about WoW...for over an hour now. I finally got up and turned on the light and am typing this now.
--
My problems:
It is freezing in this house, because we are keeping the heat off, because my mom said that she will pay the bills for two more months and then Marie, Zack, and Me can pay the bills here, and that she will start her life elsewhere, so as to not get in the way of the (non) relationship of Marie and Zack.
What a great mom, screws me over with insurance, and then when I finally get a job, to save up money for the treatments, while attending college. She wants me to support myself when I can barely walk normal anymore.
I keep most of my health problems to myself, but something new is going wrong now.
My heart hurts, physically. A certain points my heart slows down instantly and there is a blunt pain in my heart, everything slows down for just a second, my breathing even stops. Then my heart beats rapidly (starting with a loud thud) and aside from a slightly elevated heart rate and minor pain, everything is normal again. This happens almost at any time, but especially when I'm sad or think about my predicament. I try not to think about my situation and just keep telling myself to move forward the best that I can, to believe in the one person that I've always been able to trust. Myself.
But why shouldn't I be sad? I had to stop myself from crying as I called to cancel my doctor's appointment, that I had waited so long for, that I had endured so much pain to be seen. And I lost it, because of my incompetent mother and her lousy excuse for a boyfriend (Zack).
I did watch Kanon, and some sad MV's over the past two weeks, maybe that is why I am also sad? Whatever the case, it is the same story with me. I'm sick, I'm not normal, I'm self-conscious about my deformity, and I feel like everything is so hopeless.
My family is psycho, my brothers have no common decency watching a smut anime, and laughing as people come in the room, as they decided instead of hiding it, it was easier to just make everyone accustomed to their new style. I wasn't raised like that, but even if I was, I have tact and respect.
John came over to ask Mikey for a favor, and Mikey agreed to help John in exchange for purchasing him alcohol since he is underage. John said sure and that he doesn't see a problem with that, because alcohol doesn't hurt everyone, unlike cigarettes. Ignorant.
I tried to go to sleep, but they decided to talk in the kitchen and then started speaking louder as they talked about WoW...for over an hour now. I finally got up and turned on the light and am typing this now.
--
My problems:
It is freezing in this house, because we are keeping the heat off, because my mom said that she will pay the bills for two more months and then Marie, Zack, and Me can pay the bills here, and that she will start her life elsewhere, so as to not get in the way of the (non) relationship of Marie and Zack.
What a great mom, screws me over with insurance, and then when I finally get a job, to save up money for the treatments, while attending college. She wants me to support myself when I can barely walk normal anymore.
I keep most of my health problems to myself, but something new is going wrong now.
My heart hurts, physically. A certain points my heart slows down instantly and there is a blunt pain in my heart, everything slows down for just a second, my breathing even stops. Then my heart beats rapidly (starting with a loud thud) and aside from a slightly elevated heart rate and minor pain, everything is normal again. This happens almost at any time, but especially when I'm sad or think about my predicament. I try not to think about my situation and just keep telling myself to move forward the best that I can, to believe in the one person that I've always been able to trust. Myself.
But why shouldn't I be sad? I had to stop myself from crying as I called to cancel my doctor's appointment, that I had waited so long for, that I had endured so much pain to be seen. And I lost it, because of my incompetent mother and her lousy excuse for a boyfriend (Zack).
I did watch Kanon, and some sad MV's over the past two weeks, maybe that is why I am also sad? Whatever the case, it is the same story with me. I'm sick, I'm not normal, I'm self-conscious about my deformity, and I feel like everything is so hopeless.
My family is psycho, my brothers have no common decency watching a smut anime, and laughing as people come in the room, as they decided instead of hiding it, it was easier to just make everyone accustomed to their new style. I wasn't raised like that, but even if I was, I have tact and respect.