(no subject)
so begins my oceanside summer.
since israel things have been weird. i'm at one of those crossroads where the people i hang out with are changing. i'm the type of guy that forms a really tight bond with a few people and rides it out for a couple of years until it's time to get off that train and find a new one to take. it's none of our faults that this is happening, it just does. but i think i'm better prepared for it now than i was in high school. i'm not going to talk about individual people because you all read this anyway and we all aware of the situation.
i'm having issues with getting older. i want to be on my own and do my own thing but family is a big reason to why i'm not doing it. i have so many family things to deal with that i very rarely have time to focus on what i want to actually be doing. not so much in the everyday sense because i'm pretty much allowed to do whatever i want, but in the grand scheme of things. it is evident through my maternal lineage that we have a very hard time escaping our family and moving on to make our own family. for sure that is going to be the hardest thing i accomplish in life and i just kind of wish it was happening now. i don't want to end up living with my mom till i'm fifty. i just can't do that.
lately i've been hanging out with greg a lot. it's cool to see him in a different setting outside school. we never really cultivated a relationship outside the very oceanside gay high school one we shared. with greg i've also been graced by the likes of sam and sami who are fabulous. we don't really do much ever, but that's because it's oceanside and long island and there is nothing to do. everything is either too expensive or too far away. but an amazing rebuttal to everything i've just said is that we are going to possibly rent a house out east for a weekend in mid july. we've contacted the owner and whatnot. it's the first proactive thing we've done as a group since i've been back. the first couple of personal proactive things i've done since i've got back is go to lenny and not smoke as much. but back to the house. we are planning on going with a bunch of people and just relaxing and boozing for a weekend away from oceanside. away from the monotonous shit we do every night. sure we'll still be drinking and smoking, but at least it'll be in a new setting. the house is on a lake so we'll be able to swim and go in the woods and make a fire! i can't wait.
my mom gave back her car today. it ends the "era of infiniti" as i like to call it. it's kind of sad, but i guess it's a natural thing. it's just too expensive for her to have a really nice car and put two kids through college at the same time. it's fucking nuts. she has to pay for half of the tuition for Union and Drew at the same time. so it's still like fifty grand a year. i regret sometimes going to such an expensive school. mainly because of the price and also because i feel like i don't really fit in there. i don't fit in there in the sense that no, my parents are not governors, and no my parents don't have a yacht or a lake house, and no my parents did not go to Drew. but i do fit in there in the sense that i'm an upper middle class kid who was expected to go to a four year college ever since the day i was born, whether or not it's what will truly help me find my way or not. at this point i'm half way through so i'm going to finish up with a bang, get my degree, and do what i want. sometimes i just feel that i'd be getting more out of a school with less of a "private" name and i'd be learning more. i guess it's just a personal challenge i have to face with the school. a little duel lets say.
speaking of Drew, i got a call from patrick today saying that he is coming back to school for sure and that they gave him more money. i was super excited because after loosing aleks to the school and all my senior friends who graduated, i don't think i could deal with loosing another person. that's the weird thing about Drew, most people realize that Drew is not the school for them and peace out, the rest of us realize Drew isn't the school for us and stick it out. i wish i could explain the experience to people but Drew is just something you either do or don't do. it's kind of like crack. you do it or you don't. i haven't talked to ian that much this summer because he's been in barcelona but we need to start planning for the suite. that's the one thing i'm really looking forward to. living with him again and living with people that i love. things haven't turned out exactly like i planned, but we will have a great year regardless.
this has been a long post but i needed it. so things that are happening soon.
fourth of july weekend
directing the library summer show
going away with my new summer crew
going to canada the 9th-24th
leaving for school the 29th
it's going to go by a lot quicker than i think.
ok i'm done.
since israel things have been weird. i'm at one of those crossroads where the people i hang out with are changing. i'm the type of guy that forms a really tight bond with a few people and rides it out for a couple of years until it's time to get off that train and find a new one to take. it's none of our faults that this is happening, it just does. but i think i'm better prepared for it now than i was in high school. i'm not going to talk about individual people because you all read this anyway and we all aware of the situation.
i'm having issues with getting older. i want to be on my own and do my own thing but family is a big reason to why i'm not doing it. i have so many family things to deal with that i very rarely have time to focus on what i want to actually be doing. not so much in the everyday sense because i'm pretty much allowed to do whatever i want, but in the grand scheme of things. it is evident through my maternal lineage that we have a very hard time escaping our family and moving on to make our own family. for sure that is going to be the hardest thing i accomplish in life and i just kind of wish it was happening now. i don't want to end up living with my mom till i'm fifty. i just can't do that.
lately i've been hanging out with greg a lot. it's cool to see him in a different setting outside school. we never really cultivated a relationship outside the very oceanside gay high school one we shared. with greg i've also been graced by the likes of sam and sami who are fabulous. we don't really do much ever, but that's because it's oceanside and long island and there is nothing to do. everything is either too expensive or too far away. but an amazing rebuttal to everything i've just said is that we are going to possibly rent a house out east for a weekend in mid july. we've contacted the owner and whatnot. it's the first proactive thing we've done as a group since i've been back. the first couple of personal proactive things i've done since i've got back is go to lenny and not smoke as much. but back to the house. we are planning on going with a bunch of people and just relaxing and boozing for a weekend away from oceanside. away from the monotonous shit we do every night. sure we'll still be drinking and smoking, but at least it'll be in a new setting. the house is on a lake so we'll be able to swim and go in the woods and make a fire! i can't wait.
my mom gave back her car today. it ends the "era of infiniti" as i like to call it. it's kind of sad, but i guess it's a natural thing. it's just too expensive for her to have a really nice car and put two kids through college at the same time. it's fucking nuts. she has to pay for half of the tuition for Union and Drew at the same time. so it's still like fifty grand a year. i regret sometimes going to such an expensive school. mainly because of the price and also because i feel like i don't really fit in there. i don't fit in there in the sense that no, my parents are not governors, and no my parents don't have a yacht or a lake house, and no my parents did not go to Drew. but i do fit in there in the sense that i'm an upper middle class kid who was expected to go to a four year college ever since the day i was born, whether or not it's what will truly help me find my way or not. at this point i'm half way through so i'm going to finish up with a bang, get my degree, and do what i want. sometimes i just feel that i'd be getting more out of a school with less of a "private" name and i'd be learning more. i guess it's just a personal challenge i have to face with the school. a little duel lets say.
speaking of Drew, i got a call from patrick today saying that he is coming back to school for sure and that they gave him more money. i was super excited because after loosing aleks to the school and all my senior friends who graduated, i don't think i could deal with loosing another person. that's the weird thing about Drew, most people realize that Drew is not the school for them and peace out, the rest of us realize Drew isn't the school for us and stick it out. i wish i could explain the experience to people but Drew is just something you either do or don't do. it's kind of like crack. you do it or you don't. i haven't talked to ian that much this summer because he's been in barcelona but we need to start planning for the suite. that's the one thing i'm really looking forward to. living with him again and living with people that i love. things haven't turned out exactly like i planned, but we will have a great year regardless.
this has been a long post but i needed it. so things that are happening soon.
fourth of july weekend
directing the library summer show
going away with my new summer crew
going to canada the 9th-24th
leaving for school the 29th
it's going to go by a lot quicker than i think.
ok i'm done.