hmmm :(

[lossofwords06]

Wow, I learned that everyone constantly worries about beth tonight. I dont know tho....yeah im worried about her, yeah i know she hides stuff inside....but i wish that maybe....every once in a while someone might call me to see how im doing? maybe...just once....I dont know im' confused I can say i've been in a really good mood for the past month in a 1/2 or whatever...but i still have my problems. Me laura and michelle had a big talk tonight and idk, it just kinda brougt up my problems. Theres stuff taht i would never be able to tell anyone...but i want to. but i cant. ya no? yeah im happy but in the back of my head...im not. I've kind of been paranoid lately too. It might just be me....but i feel like Joe doesn't really like talking to me as much, i guess i can say im scared of loosing him. Scared of loosing the one person that still calls me w/o me having to tell them. Lately tho, he hasn't really called...i have to call him. Thats what scares me. what me n him have right now is perfect from my point of view. i hope he feels the same. but with something so perfect you got to question....w/all of lifes faults and disasters...how can something so good exist? Something like a relationship that will last with someone that makes you feel better about yourself, that makes you feel happy, that can make you laugh when your closest friends cant even bring a smile to your face? I guess i've also realized i dont really have any really close friends anymore either. because theres always stuff i wanna get off my mind....but yet i dont feel close enough to anyone to let it out. I used to be close to Laura, but i've been so busy...and her too....and when we hang out she usually ends up going and takling to my sister and i have to try and convince her to come hang out w/me...LeAnne and me were close too cept we dont see much of eachother other tahn in school....me and michelle will probably never be close until i move out...b/c my mom doesn't approve of me hanging out w/younger ppl, she makes fun of me all the time and goes y do u wana hang out w/younger ppl....which is only a year or 2 difference. I dont know i'm juss haveing an emo hour and i needed somewhere to let it out, and i know that mainly only ppl who dont know me read this so i feel fairly safe on letting out how i feel...alright i'm done

night
amanda