Just stay in...but i don't want to be home
So I'm becoming that girl...you know the one who overeacts to situations because she thinks the world is against her. On Thursday night Barron took the heat of it...of course he was extremely rude to me by avoiding me like the plague but I did overeact at the end of the night when Anthony told me to say goodbye to him after he walked right by me and said nothing...bullshit. I started yellin at anthony. I know it's not his fault but I have now told him that I'm pissed at barron and that anthony should definately tell him that.
I still need to stay in for awhile. Become less accessable. That's the new goal. Plus I need to save money. I want to go to Florida sooo badly it's not even funny. I hate being at home with my parents to the point that I even stayed over Jeanne's last night just so that I didn't have to be home.
Dad is driving me crazy. He finds anyway to insult me. Even when he is just having a regular conversation on the phone and I'm just sitting there watching TV enjoying my day off, All of a sudden I hear "Oh she's useless, yea, she does nothing." I'm sorry if I work TWO JOBS! AND! Have been juggling taking care of a 4 month old in between that to be helpful to the family and never ONCE ask for ANYTHING IN RETURN YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!! MAN!! what does he do all day, he sits there, all day, like a lump in an already too lumpy chair that sucks at life and the watches LAW & ORDER ALL F**KING DAY LONG!!! hmm...correct me if I'm wrong but Useless, me? maybe somebody needs to be turning the phrase around on himself.
Your not sopposed to hate your own father...but it's official!! Man, a year ago january could have been so much better with a different outcome. Of course at the time it would of sucked but in the long run...I know mom is done with him.
I think my problem when I go out derives from the lack of confidence I'm getting at home. When I was with Jucette we constantly were okay because it was a great living environment...notice, it was also my favorite year at FSC where I was most involved. When Mom and Dad were in Vegas I was happy with Jeanne and I eating dinner together and being on my own in the house. Now there back and things are awful. I've never been more self-conscious and unconfident and it all stems from him. Now people will try to say don't let him get to you but I can't. It's becoming music in my ears and when I go out. I become more and more self conscious and more and more sarcastic and unsure of myself. It's not a healthy environment for me and I can't be there anymore. I hate the fact that I can't be home and just relax as I please, or open up my mail without him asking what's that, do you need that paid for, when did you get the ticket. Just let me open my F**king mail!! It's bad enough I'm gonna start getting a PO BOX so that I don't have to deal with that. I just want to feel welcome in my own home again...and I don't. at all.
"Is this home?
Is this where I should learn to be happy?
Never dreamed
That a home could be dark and cold
I was told
Ev'ry day in my childhood:
Even when you grow old
Home should be where the heart is
Never were words so true!
My heart's far, far away
Home is too
Is this home?
Is this what I must learn to believe in?
Try to find
Something good in this tragic place
Just in case
I should stay here forever
Held in this empty space
Oh, that won't be easy
I know the reason why
My heart's far, far away
Home's a lie."~~HOME, Beauty and the Beast on Broadway
I still need to stay in for awhile. Become less accessable. That's the new goal. Plus I need to save money. I want to go to Florida sooo badly it's not even funny. I hate being at home with my parents to the point that I even stayed over Jeanne's last night just so that I didn't have to be home.
Dad is driving me crazy. He finds anyway to insult me. Even when he is just having a regular conversation on the phone and I'm just sitting there watching TV enjoying my day off, All of a sudden I hear "Oh she's useless, yea, she does nothing." I'm sorry if I work TWO JOBS! AND! Have been juggling taking care of a 4 month old in between that to be helpful to the family and never ONCE ask for ANYTHING IN RETURN YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!! MAN!! what does he do all day, he sits there, all day, like a lump in an already too lumpy chair that sucks at life and the watches LAW & ORDER ALL F**KING DAY LONG!!! hmm...correct me if I'm wrong but Useless, me? maybe somebody needs to be turning the phrase around on himself.
Your not sopposed to hate your own father...but it's official!! Man, a year ago january could have been so much better with a different outcome. Of course at the time it would of sucked but in the long run...I know mom is done with him.
I think my problem when I go out derives from the lack of confidence I'm getting at home. When I was with Jucette we constantly were okay because it was a great living environment...notice, it was also my favorite year at FSC where I was most involved. When Mom and Dad were in Vegas I was happy with Jeanne and I eating dinner together and being on my own in the house. Now there back and things are awful. I've never been more self-conscious and unconfident and it all stems from him. Now people will try to say don't let him get to you but I can't. It's becoming music in my ears and when I go out. I become more and more self conscious and more and more sarcastic and unsure of myself. It's not a healthy environment for me and I can't be there anymore. I hate the fact that I can't be home and just relax as I please, or open up my mail without him asking what's that, do you need that paid for, when did you get the ticket. Just let me open my F**king mail!! It's bad enough I'm gonna start getting a PO BOX so that I don't have to deal with that. I just want to feel welcome in my own home again...and I don't. at all.
"Is this home?
Is this where I should learn to be happy?
Never dreamed
That a home could be dark and cold
I was told
Ev'ry day in my childhood:
Even when you grow old
Home should be where the heart is
Never were words so true!
My heart's far, far away
Home is too
Is this home?
Is this what I must learn to believe in?
Try to find
Something good in this tragic place
Just in case
I should stay here forever
Held in this empty space
Oh, that won't be easy
I know the reason why
My heart's far, far away
Home's a lie."~~HOME, Beauty and the Beast on Broadway