Quarter life crisis
I feel like im having one like, right now. I've recently started thinking about stuff like what am i going to do with my life, what do i see myself doing in ten years time, and what is the eventual goal/objective i would want to have achieved by the end of my life. Stuff like this never bothered me cos i was living in this bubble of happiness/carefree-ness and i just failed to notice anything besides what was going on there and then. i think this thing with nigel being a steward and whatever he did really woke me up...
Shaun said tt i could point out the lessons nigel should have learnt from it, but what about myself? I think i have learnt a lot too.
1) Never trust your partner completely.
Even the most perfect person could have a change of heart.
2) Dont have too much faith in one's character.
No matter how strong one's identity and sense of self is, being arnd douchebags all the time will more or less influence they way u think. Suddenly, sleeping arnd seems like the norm. Telling your partner "if i were single, i'd probably sleep arnd" is okay and u expect her to take it lightly. Seriously? Where did your morals go???
3) It is utterly, completely, painfully stupid to put everything into and fully depend on one person.
Cos when that one person lets u down, u feel like your world is over. It really, truly sucks. I've never been more upset or felt more betrayed.
Calvin said i shouldnt be too surprised if he does it again. I agree, because of the environment he's in, its easy to be tempted. Then vern added: u might not find out even if he does. Then again, Terence said, if a man wants to cheat, it doesnt matter where he is, he will. But the thing is, the chances are definitely higher if there is more temptation, i believe. I may be less shocked, but i will be very disappointed and feel really stupid for letting him to do it to me again. Honestly, i dont have a very good feeling about where this is leading to. As much as i want us to work out, i seriously think its impossible with him staying in this job. Money is too important to him.
And he already said he wouldnt give up this job for me, cos if he quits and we dont work out then he'll be left with nothing. Obviously only quit when we confirm gonna get married or sth la. I think for him to realize money isnt everything, he has to learn it through experience and i have this bad feeling the experience would be him losing me. Even then, he might just think, what a bitch.. cant even stick with me and rough it out, then he goes on to fuck every air stewardess* that throws herself at him. (* not all are like that obviously, just saying) Sigh. This uncertainty really drives me crazy. I feel shitty like ALL THE TIME. Except when im busy with work or with my friends. They keep me going. Next 2 week will be his annual leave, and i think imma be hopelessly sticky and all in love etc then when he starts flying for real in march i'll be back to this auto pilot mode. I cant be waiting my whole life, i cant miss him terribly and not tell him for fear of seeming overly dependent, i cant expect much from him because "this is all i have to give, take it or leave it", i cant message him and not expect a reply yet reply him the moment he messages me, i cant see all his facebook activity when he's away and not feel affected, i cant let my world revolve around him, not anymore.
I have to find other things that make me happy. I need to. i read this somewhere: " if you're so afraid of someone leaving, you leave first. So you wont have to see him walk away." That would probably be better for me in the long run, but some part of me still believes that we have sth special. And he might still be that same person i fell in love with 3 years ago. I guess only time will tell.
Shaun said tt i could point out the lessons nigel should have learnt from it, but what about myself? I think i have learnt a lot too.
1) Never trust your partner completely.
Even the most perfect person could have a change of heart.
2) Dont have too much faith in one's character.
No matter how strong one's identity and sense of self is, being arnd douchebags all the time will more or less influence they way u think. Suddenly, sleeping arnd seems like the norm. Telling your partner "if i were single, i'd probably sleep arnd" is okay and u expect her to take it lightly. Seriously? Where did your morals go???
3) It is utterly, completely, painfully stupid to put everything into and fully depend on one person.
Cos when that one person lets u down, u feel like your world is over. It really, truly sucks. I've never been more upset or felt more betrayed.
Calvin said i shouldnt be too surprised if he does it again. I agree, because of the environment he's in, its easy to be tempted. Then vern added: u might not find out even if he does. Then again, Terence said, if a man wants to cheat, it doesnt matter where he is, he will. But the thing is, the chances are definitely higher if there is more temptation, i believe. I may be less shocked, but i will be very disappointed and feel really stupid for letting him to do it to me again. Honestly, i dont have a very good feeling about where this is leading to. As much as i want us to work out, i seriously think its impossible with him staying in this job. Money is too important to him.
And he already said he wouldnt give up this job for me, cos if he quits and we dont work out then he'll be left with nothing. Obviously only quit when we confirm gonna get married or sth la. I think for him to realize money isnt everything, he has to learn it through experience and i have this bad feeling the experience would be him losing me. Even then, he might just think, what a bitch.. cant even stick with me and rough it out, then he goes on to fuck every air stewardess* that throws herself at him. (* not all are like that obviously, just saying) Sigh. This uncertainty really drives me crazy. I feel shitty like ALL THE TIME. Except when im busy with work or with my friends. They keep me going. Next 2 week will be his annual leave, and i think imma be hopelessly sticky and all in love etc then when he starts flying for real in march i'll be back to this auto pilot mode. I cant be waiting my whole life, i cant miss him terribly and not tell him for fear of seeming overly dependent, i cant expect much from him because "this is all i have to give, take it or leave it", i cant message him and not expect a reply yet reply him the moment he messages me, i cant see all his facebook activity when he's away and not feel affected, i cant let my world revolve around him, not anymore.
I have to find other things that make me happy. I need to. i read this somewhere: " if you're so afraid of someone leaving, you leave first. So you wont have to see him walk away." That would probably be better for me in the long run, but some part of me still believes that we have sth special. And he might still be that same person i fell in love with 3 years ago. I guess only time will tell.