In which I dispense knowledge
Why I can't use Cheetahs to conquer Mongolia: You have to be high to ride a cheetah, and thus pot is a performance enhancing drug in warfare. The IOC would ban my army from competition in a second! The fines would be astronomical, and we'd lose all our endorsement deals. By the end of it, we'd be lucky to be capable of occupying Sealand, let alone defeating the deadly horse-warriors of Mongolia.