But I know that I could crush you with my voice...

[losertml]

I suppose I have a hard time being Mat Heroic every day. Granted, it's my own choice, and it's one that I'd rather undertake, but being in a band all day, every day, on top of the normal stressors just kinda gets to me after a while, and sometimes I just wish that I could quit my job, and relax from everything. All in all, it'll be worth it in the end. I'm also very touchy on the whole idea of girls or a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy the company of girl, but the whole idea of a girlfriend entails way too many arguments, committments, and problems that, between the band, work, and school, I don't have the time, nor the patience for. There's only so much I can elaborate on that on a personal level, because I don't really like to talk about people in public forums such as this, although I have before, so I can't say that I won't or that I haven't, just that now is not the time to drop names. I'm also very uneasy about some of the words I've been writing lately for songs on our upcoming album. I want to be as honest as possible with this record, and with myself, and it's not always the easiest thing to. On the album, I have four songs, two of which have set-in-stone lyrics, and I can't help but feel guilty that those two songs are about two people who are my best friends. I feel that I owe it to them to atleast inform them that I wrote these words about you, and this is why. And that is what I plan to do once all four are written. I've been feeling a perpetual numbness lately, which I realize is not a good thing. Somewhat as if I'm living inside my skull. It's an awkward feeling. Everything seems weird lately, surreal, very surreal, and I get the thingles quite often. I don't even know anymore. I realize all that just came out depressing, but in actuality, this helps me put things in to perspective, so I'm in a fairly good mood. You just gotta make the best out of what you got, and I try my hardest to do that. I need to be more honest: With myself, and with others.

Much love,
Mat Heroic