where it itches.
there stands 2008, a fat man with sweaty orifices staring down at me, cigarette in pursed lips. hovering over me like the remembrance of hastily made decisions of the past. he speaks to me roughly, but i do not understand what he's saying. he speaks futures. i gain control for a moment, breathing deeply through my nose. i cannot feel the cold air in my sinuses, but i can feel my lungs expanding a little further than before.
i've been breathing shallow for too long.
i stand in front of him, eyelids baggy from last nights assault on yesterday's version of myself. a much weaker me. i am not afraid of him, but i am not comfortable with the weight he carries in uncertainty. he is everything i will concern myself with. every person, thought, and situation. every guilty, self serving moment. every selfless act.
he is large and unwavering. he does not step toward me, but bends his face down above mine, making it known that he is not going anywhere. he is here to stay.
until i learn to embrace him, take hold of his sweaty hands and run with him... i really won't be ready for anything he will shovel into my path.
this is my way of strategizing my way around him, and sullenly coming to the realization that he is everywhere. surrounding me and my world.
he's the block in the road, the road itself, and what lies at the end of it all. he's an entire years worth of things i will become. i love him and i hate him.
and i am very scared of him.
laurenb.
i feel it fading. what was is no longer what is.
i've been breathing shallow for too long.
i stand in front of him, eyelids baggy from last nights assault on yesterday's version of myself. a much weaker me. i am not afraid of him, but i am not comfortable with the weight he carries in uncertainty. he is everything i will concern myself with. every person, thought, and situation. every guilty, self serving moment. every selfless act.
he is large and unwavering. he does not step toward me, but bends his face down above mine, making it known that he is not going anywhere. he is here to stay.
until i learn to embrace him, take hold of his sweaty hands and run with him... i really won't be ready for anything he will shovel into my path.
this is my way of strategizing my way around him, and sullenly coming to the realization that he is everywhere. surrounding me and my world.
he's the block in the road, the road itself, and what lies at the end of it all. he's an entire years worth of things i will become. i love him and i hate him.
and i am very scared of him.
laurenb.
i feel it fading. what was is no longer what is.