(no subject)
I feel so fucking pissed right now. My group home decided we needed to go to the stupid fucking library to "get out of the house". We're going here again TOMORROW. WTF??This only pisses me off so much because I was sleeping (yes, I know it's past noon) because I'm on an antibiotic that I have to take every 6 hours which makes me have to get up at 6 AM. So when I get up I'm exhausted unless I sleep in some. Plus sunday is my day off and why can't it be *my* day to rest?? I hate this bullshit rule about productivity. In the real world you don't have to be productive every second of every fucking day. I hate this stupid fucking bullshit group home and I want out. I can't "graduate" for a long time because of my issues with safety. I guess I'm having some sort of emotional flashback cuz it's just the fucking library but I think it's about control. I want to slash my arms to pieces over this stupid event. I feel really angry at my staff too, because she is the one who made us *all* go when 3 of my housemates were going to go alone. They never put themselves in our shoes, think of how it would feel to be us. Now I want to cry. I want out so badly. I want my own apartment where I don't have to do all this organized childish crap. I hate it. She called my apartment (after I had 3 people interupt my sleep already by calling) and asks what I'm doing, I tell her I'm napping. She says "why? You slept until noon" I tell her im tired. So she asks what I'm going to do today (productivity wise) and I explain I'm going to read and do some journal work. So of course she finds a way to say I can do those things at the library. Ugh. I think the reason I'm so pissed is because I feel like I have no control in this house. I feel like my personal opinion is worthless and void and that it doesn't matter worth a shit. I just don't even know how to describe how I feel. I either want to cry, cut, b/p or just scream my lungs out. I don't know what to do to ease these feelings. I don't like being told what to do, I'm an adult for christ's sake. This house makes me feel like a child again. Being told what to do and when or else. Well, I'm off to do something so I don't freak out at the damn library. <3,
-molliebear
-molliebear