school is stupid
Oh how miserable I am right now. Im literally about to just scream in anger for no reason. Its terrible, Im so dependent on one person to make me better that when I don’t hear or talk to that person, I go into this sadden state of my mind. I just plunge into the depths of my lonlieness and I only have myself to bring me up. This isn’t a criticism to my friends by the way. I’m fine with all my friends right now. In fact, I’m more then fine with my friends. I just.....need to get use to all this. I need to get use to talking to Laura for 5 minutes or not at all for days at a time.
I guess im fine with that, Its just it seems she is perfectly fine with that. Like she doesn’t depend on me as much as I depend on her. It scares me a little, I’m really putting almost all my best friendship, all my loyalty, and all my care into this one relationship. And now, once it seems like I don’t have time to let myself emotionally unwind, im starting to panic. Really panic. Panic then followed by depression, followed by a sense of lonlieness, and its just really weird and scary. That on top of all this schoolwork makes me feel like the good part of my life has been taken away from me.....
Im just really lonely
and when it comes down to it...I really miss Laura. Though its nice to know that she cares.....its just....(I don’t want to be selfish) but...it feels like as if that cant replace the fact of not going to see her barely at all.
Back to the school subject. I got a schedule changed out of ap calc for honors psychology and ap English. So now I have:
AP Chem
Honors English 11
Physics
Drama 3
I like my schedule. Challenging but fun.
The idea for drama im not too all in for. Im not for it, though im not against it. I just want to act....now....and I cant. Its making me angry, because well....I want to act.
Oh how miserable I am
Oh how I want to just go back to summer
Oh how I am actually very happy with all my friends, Every things good with everyone
Oh I wish I wasn’t so selfish..
Oh how I wish I could modest myself
OOOOh how this situation with Julia is ripping my life and soul out. Why wont that girl even talk to me? Why does she despise me? Gr! I want to just...at least...talk to her....know how she is doing.
......maybe I should pray again....*sigh* im done
I guess im fine with that, Its just it seems she is perfectly fine with that. Like she doesn’t depend on me as much as I depend on her. It scares me a little, I’m really putting almost all my best friendship, all my loyalty, and all my care into this one relationship. And now, once it seems like I don’t have time to let myself emotionally unwind, im starting to panic. Really panic. Panic then followed by depression, followed by a sense of lonlieness, and its just really weird and scary. That on top of all this schoolwork makes me feel like the good part of my life has been taken away from me.....
Im just really lonely
and when it comes down to it...I really miss Laura. Though its nice to know that she cares.....its just....(I don’t want to be selfish) but...it feels like as if that cant replace the fact of not going to see her barely at all.
Back to the school subject. I got a schedule changed out of ap calc for honors psychology and ap English. So now I have:
AP Chem
Honors English 11
Physics
Drama 3
I like my schedule. Challenging but fun.
The idea for drama im not too all in for. Im not for it, though im not against it. I just want to act....now....and I cant. Its making me angry, because well....I want to act.
Oh how miserable I am
Oh how I want to just go back to summer
Oh how I am actually very happy with all my friends, Every things good with everyone
Oh I wish I wasn’t so selfish..
Oh how I wish I could modest myself
OOOOh how this situation with Julia is ripping my life and soul out. Why wont that girl even talk to me? Why does she despise me? Gr! I want to just...at least...talk to her....know how she is doing.
......maybe I should pray again....*sigh* im done