heh..maura left
i was typing what im about to put on here to maura while she left without me knowing or sayng goodbye...my friends dad Ron passed away today. He was more like a friend then someones father, and my friend was at my house when we found out he finally made it to heaven against his long battle with cancer. As i was mourning (crying) I called almost
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lost friends suck.. this year.. i lost sooo many good friends.. i hate that too.. and whenever i think about it, i just want to kill myself.. i feel worthless when i think of them all.. caleb called me twice wednesday.. i wasnt invited to his party either... he asked for your number, and i gave it to him.. me and him, we were close at one point, but he's been an asshole to me the past school year.. not a lot of people know what he did to me.. but i think it should stay that way..
remember when we used to talk on the phone so much ryan.. two summers ago.. or three.. it was great, i considered you one of my best friends.. i hate thinking about loosing that. but i figured you didnt care about me anymore.. whenever i do loose a friend, i just stop trying because i think they dont care..
do you think you give up? other people say "you never tried", but you tried in your eyes, you tried as hard as you could.. i failed chemistry this year.. i had the worst year of my life this past year.. i got yelled at for failing chemistry.. but i tried.. i honestly and truly worked my heart out for that class.. only you can tell if you tried. you cant let anyone else say you tried or didnt try.. i never gave up, but i still failed
failure isnt a measure of if you gave up.. you cant stop death. if ron was in pain from the cancer, as much as it hurts you, he might be better now.. people wont always be there for you, you need to rely on yourself.. ive been doing it.. for such a long time.. and even though i go through stages where im so depressed, i cant stand it, im still alive, as much as i tried to end my life..
ryan, if you ever need anyone at all to talk to, im usually here. ill always be here for you, with open arms. i wont be here for the next week, but for the rest of the summer, i will.. i love you ryan, you mean a lot to me..
as much as it hurts now.. things will get better.. i promise
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