my final breath is gone-
so today was strange and deranged first i went to my locker and ryan scared me when he put his hands over my eyes.the day went kind of slow. first period sucked.then second period sandy wasnt there so we just chilled with luke as our sub it was awesome i found out alot about him, he cheated on his midterms from the smart kid next to him. he makes these awesome neclaces, bracelets, and such and they are just like the most prettifulest things. then in goebles class we watched a movie on hitler and it was amusing for about three minutes and then i asked mrs.dias if i could go to the 'bathroom' - talk to sarah and ryan so i went and they werent there !! i went twice! losers...so i sniffed a sharpie in the bathroom alone at lunch i got depressed because my stomach organ shrunk from my severe illness and i couldnt finish my food =( i had 3 cokes today. so then i had to go to science it was ehh and then i realize dude what the fuck ? where the hell is my purse ?? i thought ..its probably in the lunch room, and then out of -nowhere- sarah comes with my purse so after science i just need to go get sarah's books with her because she only late for math and im only late for computers so we walk out the door and ryan murphy comes through the other door and he like rapes me lol not really but he hugs me alot and then we all walked to sarahs locker and then like were all talking about how i cant read sarah cant tie her shoes and ryan is going to open up his own skate shop and that has nothing to do with math, so we dont need it, then i got really upset because i didnt get to say good bye to anyone today..it was really sad because miss ford let me and caitlin out late so we had to get on the bus right away, so i couldnt talk to ryan before he has to get on his bus like usual and i couldnt watch sarah get attacked by her books falling out of her locker, by the way cuppycake i never got my cow quarter, but i love you still. so then once my basketball game is over i change into my happy converse my jeans my belt and my volcom sweatshirt. i let my hair down and put it to one side i turned on Huey(my ipod), and put my hood on. so while i was vacantly sitting at the top of the bleachers listening to music drinking my coke looking very sad, the HUGE PUERTO RICAN girl from lakehurst school comes up to me and says "look girls its a 'emo' kid...next time you come to my school and slap the ball away from me like that i'll beat your punk ass biotch" in a spanish sounding tone and i mean this girl had to be taller than sarah and she was like me jackie and sarah put together, and when i say huge i mean huge. i start crying. so then she leaves and goes and talks to her friends and then this skater kid and that ghetto kid come up to me and the ghetto one goes.. " do you slit your wrists emo person?" i start crying again. so the skater kid says to me " sorry were not used to having people this emo looking in our school" i stop crying and say that i need sarah, but shes not there. on the bus ride home i sit alone. i curl up into a little ball and put my music on maximum volume, the sounds of the faggy 8th grade boys and chen screaming and all the yo momma jokes, just wouldnt go away. nothing seems to be going away lately..things just keep sticking to me. its odd. i havent updated my journal thing in a long while so here is your detailed entry for sarah. i called your house and your dad wouldnt let me talk to you..i got really sad. so i miss you so much my cuppycake. <|3 i miss you too