i need an outlet for the anger i'm holding back. its expressing itself as madness.
its been an interesting summer to say the least. not much has been accomplished but did things really need to be changed in the first place? i do feel a better sense of who i am which is good. what is bad is that its something i don't have control over. there are moments in which i watch myself fully aware of whats going on do things i wish i wouldn't or i would do but better. its like being half asleep half awake in sleep paralysis trying to scream out or at least wiggle my toes. despite my strong efforts to be more positive, to let work not get to me, to do my best, and communicate as best as possible with others i still am wondering if these things are possible. will this jigsaw piece ever fit? i had chest pains the last two years of highschool. nothing was physically wrong with me and according to the doctor i needed to see a psychiatrist. the pains went away after a while. ironically during what i feel was the most depressing part of my adult life. it was all bullshit and now years later when i've just had the most incredible vacation i could ask for and returned home to friends and a place i am proud to call home, my chest pains have returned.