(no subject)
God, I go through spells of depression. They last for like one night and then im better. And they happen like every month. Its not like I have anything to be sad about. I'm just sad.
I just don't know what to do. I mean, what is this all for? Why do we live? What is the point of life when we are all going to die, and most of us not making any impact of anything that lasts. Why do we think we are so special? We think that we are the only ones who feel like we do. We feel like we are doing something, that we are making a difference, but we arn't at all. Nobodies life means anything. Eventually, everybody is forgotten once they are gone, they become part of the void of time. What if a giant commet suddenly careens into earth and we all die? Our existance will have meant nothing at all. We were just there and then we wern't. Nobody would have meant anything. So why do we do it? Why do we put up with our constant instinct to live? Why programed to try to survive when we are all fighting against something that is inevitable?
People generally have three answers to this:
1. We live for God
2. We are supposed to live life as well as we can
3. We live to love
Well so people try to live life for God. They live for their faith that God is there watching over them. But all faith is is faith. Its hope. Its a wish. A want. What if we are just so desperate to not feel alone, to feel like we are special, like we matter and that someone loves us and our lives have some sort of direction or meaning that we just made God up. What if he is just a materialization of our want for something that would connect us to anything? People live on a hope that one day everything will be better, everything will change and they will be immortalized in another life because they chose to spend their dogmatic existance serving something that, when it comes down to it, has no verification of validity. And if there is a God, how are we expected to just assume that all goodness and badness and coincidenses and connections are set and everything is working for a reason in our favor? Why do we believe that somewhere out there, someone has our back. How are we to expect that everything will be worth it in the end, and to not worry because sometime, things will be okay when everything in our existance is pointing to more suffering and insignificance? Things are never going to be great. Life is always going to be hard, God or no. In my view, I'm sorry, but there is no proof for God. How am I expected to have 'faith'? I am just expected to blindly believe that all these things on earth are God's good graces, and I cannot do that. It's funny how christians are expected to know that God is here and loves us. Where is his love? Is it where millions of people are wiped off the earth in tsunamis or maybe when whole races are irradicated for the fanatisicm of one person? Is this the face of God? Well, it could be said that it is the goodness in people through which God shows himself. Humanity does what they do based on morals; not based on what they've been divinly directed to do. And does it seem funny to anyone that Christians say that God loves all his children, but the ones who don't believe him which is the entire population of Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics, Athiests, and all other religions are condemned to eternal suffering because they are doing the same things as christians, just to the wrong person? How can we expect to recieve direction and love from something that has no legitimate proof of existance besides people's beliefs and feelings?
To live well? We are expecting that karma will everntually came around and see that weve done good things and we will be rewarded, but hasn't life shown us that this isn't true. It would go against nature for this to be true. Bad things happen to good people, so what would make the afterlife or lack there of, any different? So we are supposed to 'live well'. What the hell does this mean anyway? If we don't know how to live in the first place, how do we know what is living well? Are we supposed to make lots of money and be prosperous? Is that happiness, and if not, are we supposed to persue our dreams only to find that most of us cannot live our dreams because we won't have enough money to survive. And arn't our dreams already skewed by the corruption and affected by the wants preset by the world? My dream is to become a doctor and to be completely finantially independant, and be able to continue the way that I'm living right now, because that seems to be working pretty well for me right now. But my dream is of money, which was obviously an influence of my current knowledge that I won't be able to do anything else but live a subpar life if i don't have money. Money is the key to all doors of the world no matter how much we try to deny it. I don't even remember my dream when i was a child. I also wish to be a model or a singer, but i know that those are irrational, and i should give up on them. Sacrifice to never be compensated for except solely to know the truth that i won't be able to reach them. So what, may I ask, is living well? Living a pitiful existance trying to chase after money to satisfy our underlying greed and want for power, or live a life of constant mediocracy due to chasing dreams that never get us anywhere in the end except for satisfying out own selfish desires and pleasures?
Don't get me started on love. What is love but inevitable heartbreak and realization that we are always going to end up alone? I had love. It was horrible.
So what do we do?
I donno?
What am I supposed to do?
I guess, right now, I will just keep trudging on, because, i mean, what else can i do? This is my one chance at living because once I'm dead, that's it. So what's there to do but keep trying to get it right? It's either keep exaustingly trying or give up and give up your choice to keep trying. At least trying, you still have a chance. Death is irreversible. So I guess I'll just keep doing this, because I don't want to not do anything ever. So what I guess I'll do now is watch a movie. What else is there to do?
I just don't know what to do. I mean, what is this all for? Why do we live? What is the point of life when we are all going to die, and most of us not making any impact of anything that lasts. Why do we think we are so special? We think that we are the only ones who feel like we do. We feel like we are doing something, that we are making a difference, but we arn't at all. Nobodies life means anything. Eventually, everybody is forgotten once they are gone, they become part of the void of time. What if a giant commet suddenly careens into earth and we all die? Our existance will have meant nothing at all. We were just there and then we wern't. Nobody would have meant anything. So why do we do it? Why do we put up with our constant instinct to live? Why programed to try to survive when we are all fighting against something that is inevitable?
People generally have three answers to this:
1. We live for God
2. We are supposed to live life as well as we can
3. We live to love
Well so people try to live life for God. They live for their faith that God is there watching over them. But all faith is is faith. Its hope. Its a wish. A want. What if we are just so desperate to not feel alone, to feel like we are special, like we matter and that someone loves us and our lives have some sort of direction or meaning that we just made God up. What if he is just a materialization of our want for something that would connect us to anything? People live on a hope that one day everything will be better, everything will change and they will be immortalized in another life because they chose to spend their dogmatic existance serving something that, when it comes down to it, has no verification of validity. And if there is a God, how are we expected to just assume that all goodness and badness and coincidenses and connections are set and everything is working for a reason in our favor? Why do we believe that somewhere out there, someone has our back. How are we to expect that everything will be worth it in the end, and to not worry because sometime, things will be okay when everything in our existance is pointing to more suffering and insignificance? Things are never going to be great. Life is always going to be hard, God or no. In my view, I'm sorry, but there is no proof for God. How am I expected to have 'faith'? I am just expected to blindly believe that all these things on earth are God's good graces, and I cannot do that. It's funny how christians are expected to know that God is here and loves us. Where is his love? Is it where millions of people are wiped off the earth in tsunamis or maybe when whole races are irradicated for the fanatisicm of one person? Is this the face of God? Well, it could be said that it is the goodness in people through which God shows himself. Humanity does what they do based on morals; not based on what they've been divinly directed to do. And does it seem funny to anyone that Christians say that God loves all his children, but the ones who don't believe him which is the entire population of Jews, Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics, Athiests, and all other religions are condemned to eternal suffering because they are doing the same things as christians, just to the wrong person? How can we expect to recieve direction and love from something that has no legitimate proof of existance besides people's beliefs and feelings?
To live well? We are expecting that karma will everntually came around and see that weve done good things and we will be rewarded, but hasn't life shown us that this isn't true. It would go against nature for this to be true. Bad things happen to good people, so what would make the afterlife or lack there of, any different? So we are supposed to 'live well'. What the hell does this mean anyway? If we don't know how to live in the first place, how do we know what is living well? Are we supposed to make lots of money and be prosperous? Is that happiness, and if not, are we supposed to persue our dreams only to find that most of us cannot live our dreams because we won't have enough money to survive. And arn't our dreams already skewed by the corruption and affected by the wants preset by the world? My dream is to become a doctor and to be completely finantially independant, and be able to continue the way that I'm living right now, because that seems to be working pretty well for me right now. But my dream is of money, which was obviously an influence of my current knowledge that I won't be able to do anything else but live a subpar life if i don't have money. Money is the key to all doors of the world no matter how much we try to deny it. I don't even remember my dream when i was a child. I also wish to be a model or a singer, but i know that those are irrational, and i should give up on them. Sacrifice to never be compensated for except solely to know the truth that i won't be able to reach them. So what, may I ask, is living well? Living a pitiful existance trying to chase after money to satisfy our underlying greed and want for power, or live a life of constant mediocracy due to chasing dreams that never get us anywhere in the end except for satisfying out own selfish desires and pleasures?
Don't get me started on love. What is love but inevitable heartbreak and realization that we are always going to end up alone? I had love. It was horrible.
So what do we do?
I donno?
What am I supposed to do?
I guess, right now, I will just keep trudging on, because, i mean, what else can i do? This is my one chance at living because once I'm dead, that's it. So what's there to do but keep trying to get it right? It's either keep exaustingly trying or give up and give up your choice to keep trying. At least trying, you still have a chance. Death is irreversible. So I guess I'll just keep doing this, because I don't want to not do anything ever. So what I guess I'll do now is watch a movie. What else is there to do?