rubber ducky, you're the one...
sister joanie likes to bestow gifts upon the yearbook staff because she loves us so much (and never yells). by "gifts" I mean crap she finds around her office or elsewhere and doesn’t know what to do with. gifts we usually throw away… or are afraid to eat (i.e. week old sushi). but on monday, sister joanie really came through and gave emily mead and I the "gift" of a lifetime: rubber duckies!
my rubber ducky found a place of honor on my dashboard. my sophomore carpool paulina immediately fell in love with it, too, noting it’s “beautiful eyes.” we named it cocaine so it could be friends with a stuffed mouse she had named kurt cobain. paulina also has vandals that stalk her and throw burning television sets into the street and write things like “no more blenders for susan” on the sidewalk. but i digress. this ducky was a thing of love, a bright beacon of hope, quietly waiting for me after a hard day of schoolwork.
tuesday afternoon, emily, cocaine, and i made a pilgrimage to chipotle with the intent of bringing food back to school and working on yearbook-related goodness… or maybe we were just hoping sj would give us another gift. regardless of our intent, i will forever be the queen of sj’s gift-giving because she was my secret santa. oui, c’est vrai… i was so lucky. jealous?
when I finally left school at three, approacing my car i immediately knew something was wrong… my beacon of hope had gone out: DUCKY WAS MISSING!
a note, mockingly written in the same delightful shade as cocaine’s plastic feathers, read: “you shouldn’t leave your car open [I am notorious for not locking my car, but i don’t have power locks, i am lazy, and if someone wants to steal a textbook, they can go right ahead…]. You don’t know what kind of duck stealers are around. HAHA NO MORE DUCKY!” who could be so cruel, so heartless, so mean-spirited as to steal my beacon of hope?! I should have known…
deceitful and conscience-less:
Sarseg: oo so what is the fate of ur duck??
scooby9887: did YOU take it?!?!?
Sarseg: How dare u accuse me!!
Sarseg: i just saw the message, and i was inquirin on the duck
Sarseg: since it was just today that i witnessed ur duck when i went to ur car w/ u
Sarseg: i mourn as well...
…
Sarseg: how do i know ur not makin it all up?!?
scooby9887: because you have a "thing" for ducks
Sarseg: ME!
Sarseg: a "thing" for ducks?
Sarseg: what am i...a duck stalker?
scooby9887: dude you just incriminated yourself
scooby9887: i want my duck back!
tries (unsuccessfully) to blame the innocent:
Sarseg: umm hello...wtf...i did not self incriminate myslef...i would ask cecily if i were u
scooby9887: Princec15: pretty sure sara seghezzo took it
FINALLY accepts responsibility for her sickening actions:
Sarseg: OK FINE
Sarseg: i admit
Sarseg: i took ur duck
Sarseg: soo what r u gonna do
scooby9887: cut your FACE
Sarseg: i'm HOLDING IT HOSTAGE!
Sarseg: who knows what torture i could inflict on it
A few moments later, THIS was delivered to my mom (way to get the family involved!):
please note the piece of smashed yellow clay representing my poor, defenseless duck. who know what this girl is capable of?!
yet, i must admit, this hostage-holder has good tastes in food (minus those god-forsaken cookies). Yet pricey. Now, I must weigh my options carefully… exactly how much is cocaine worth to me?
::thinks for half a second::
he. is. PRICELESS.
It’s ON bitch!
p.s. i love not having any finals today. and i love how sara will do anything to avoid studying for her. and i love my duck. and will be getting it back shortly... ;o)
my rubber ducky found a place of honor on my dashboard. my sophomore carpool paulina immediately fell in love with it, too, noting it’s “beautiful eyes.” we named it cocaine so it could be friends with a stuffed mouse she had named kurt cobain. paulina also has vandals that stalk her and throw burning television sets into the street and write things like “no more blenders for susan” on the sidewalk. but i digress. this ducky was a thing of love, a bright beacon of hope, quietly waiting for me after a hard day of schoolwork.
tuesday afternoon, emily, cocaine, and i made a pilgrimage to chipotle with the intent of bringing food back to school and working on yearbook-related goodness… or maybe we were just hoping sj would give us another gift. regardless of our intent, i will forever be the queen of sj’s gift-giving because she was my secret santa. oui, c’est vrai… i was so lucky. jealous?
when I finally left school at three, approacing my car i immediately knew something was wrong… my beacon of hope had gone out: DUCKY WAS MISSING!
a note, mockingly written in the same delightful shade as cocaine’s plastic feathers, read: “you shouldn’t leave your car open [I am notorious for not locking my car, but i don’t have power locks, i am lazy, and if someone wants to steal a textbook, they can go right ahead…]. You don’t know what kind of duck stealers are around. HAHA NO MORE DUCKY!” who could be so cruel, so heartless, so mean-spirited as to steal my beacon of hope?! I should have known…
deceitful and conscience-less:
Sarseg: oo so what is the fate of ur duck??
scooby9887: did YOU take it?!?!?
Sarseg: How dare u accuse me!!
Sarseg: i just saw the message, and i was inquirin on the duck
Sarseg: since it was just today that i witnessed ur duck when i went to ur car w/ u
Sarseg: i mourn as well...
…
Sarseg: how do i know ur not makin it all up?!?
scooby9887: because you have a "thing" for ducks
Sarseg: ME!
Sarseg: a "thing" for ducks?
Sarseg: what am i...a duck stalker?
scooby9887: dude you just incriminated yourself
scooby9887: i want my duck back!
tries (unsuccessfully) to blame the innocent:
Sarseg: umm hello...wtf...i did not self incriminate myslef...i would ask cecily if i were u
scooby9887: Princec15: pretty sure sara seghezzo took it
FINALLY accepts responsibility for her sickening actions:
Sarseg: OK FINE
Sarseg: i admit
Sarseg: i took ur duck
Sarseg: soo what r u gonna do
scooby9887: cut your FACE
Sarseg: i'm HOLDING IT HOSTAGE!
Sarseg: who knows what torture i could inflict on it
A few moments later, THIS was delivered to my mom (way to get the family involved!):
please note the piece of smashed yellow clay representing my poor, defenseless duck. who know what this girl is capable of?!
yet, i must admit, this hostage-holder has good tastes in food (minus those god-forsaken cookies). Yet pricey. Now, I must weigh my options carefully… exactly how much is cocaine worth to me?
::thinks for half a second::
he. is. PRICELESS.
It’s ON bitch!
p.s. i love not having any finals today. and i love how sara will do anything to avoid studying for her. and i love my duck. and will be getting it back shortly... ;o)