(no subject)
It's bizarre to watch the rest of the world go on as normal while I hide under down comforters and picture albums, surrounded by Sony's most emotional music, love and death music. I had so many plans and aspirations. Now it seems my life is confined to sitting and crying or ignoring my emotions. My body has taken the burden from my mind and now if I don't cry all the time, I hurt and throw up. Everything reminds me of her. Every situation makes me want to cry to her for help but knowing she'll never there makes even the smallest mistake seem like the end of the world. I yell at people whom I fear are repeating her mistakes, not realizing I'm making the very same ones by running away. I know I've been strong and nothing but remarkably responsible but I'm tired of it. I feel absolutely worn down and I absolutely cannot deal with Martha's bullshit anymore. Just mentioning her name here makes me feel like I'm tainting an ode to my mother with that bitch's spirit.