Blah.
Hello world.
You know those days where you feel like the world's kinda go on and left you behind? Yeah, great, aren't they? I hate feeling sorry for myself. I think it's mostly from taking cough syrup.
I moved to this apartment back beginning of November. Before I moved in, they redid the plumbing in all the buildings. Apparently they fucked up mine something fierce because my master bathroom leaks into the bedroom. I was waiting outside with Tom (another story in itself), and the maintainance guy came outside yelling at me about how my apartment is flooded.
Oh, shit.
My master bedroom is mostly flooded with 2 inches of standing water. My bathroom has that if not more standing water, and it's leaking into the apartment behind me -- which happens to be the Property Manager of the complex? Yeah, it's her place.
Oh, shit.
So I end up with three massive fans that sound like jet engines in my apartment, soggy bedroom carpet (thank gawd I moved my bed into the other bedroom in anticipation of this event), and bitching from the maintainance guy. Just bloody wonderful.
So anyway, there was mold growing under my carpet of the black variety, and now I'm sicker than shit, so go fucking figure. I've been sick for two weeks, and Mom wants to see if I can shake it off. How much ya wanna bet it's from the mold and dampness? :D
Tom. Sigh.
He'd been driving on a suspended license since August, and it finally caught up to him last week. He ended up with $997 worth of tickets, so he moved in with his mom. His mom continues to trash talk me, saying I'm in a "downward spiral," I'm "white trash," that I'm "using him," and all this other shit. Basically, she associates me with Tom's dad's death since I was there at the fucking hospital trying to be fucking supportive. See where that got me? For fuck's sake. So anyway, she's basically trying to prevent Tom from talking to me as much as she possibly can, and she's even gone so far as looking at his Verizon account online to see how much and who he's talking to -- namely, how much he's talking to me. She won't let him leave to come see me, so he has to make up excuses to leave the house to spend 30 minutes with me once or twice a week. Plus, they keep him insanely occupied so that he doesn't even get to think about me. So I think, anyway.
I'm this close to calling it quits. I can't stand this shit, and I hate not being able to do normal things with him, like hang out and go on dates. I don't need him to be happy, but having this tsunami of shit swirling around me thanks to his mother and family is driving me nuts. Things will get better if I hang in there. He'll leave his mom or his mom will force him to break up with me.
Most days, I don't give a damn. But for some reason tonight, knowing that he's going out and spending time with his family, going out to eat at a nice restaurant and all that, it's a bummer. He can't even text or call me if his mother or sister are in the room with him.
It sucks. I'm deeply hurt by their rejection of me, even though I know I shouldn't give a shit. I have enough shit to deal with, between my son and my father, and I don't need this extra stress.
I don't know if I should bail on this bullshit or just stick it out and see if it improves. I'm going to start living for myself, and this just feels like more heartache than I need.
I don't want to be alone.
Okay, that's enough of the emo bullshit. All that shit aside, I'm doing alright. I have a roof over my head, bills paid, no job yet. I've been working out at the gym when I'm not sick, and I'm determined to be physically sexy again.
Rawr!
You know those days where you feel like the world's kinda go on and left you behind? Yeah, great, aren't they? I hate feeling sorry for myself. I think it's mostly from taking cough syrup.
I moved to this apartment back beginning of November. Before I moved in, they redid the plumbing in all the buildings. Apparently they fucked up mine something fierce because my master bathroom leaks into the bedroom. I was waiting outside with Tom (another story in itself), and the maintainance guy came outside yelling at me about how my apartment is flooded.
Oh, shit.
My master bedroom is mostly flooded with 2 inches of standing water. My bathroom has that if not more standing water, and it's leaking into the apartment behind me -- which happens to be the Property Manager of the complex? Yeah, it's her place.
Oh, shit.
So I end up with three massive fans that sound like jet engines in my apartment, soggy bedroom carpet (thank gawd I moved my bed into the other bedroom in anticipation of this event), and bitching from the maintainance guy. Just bloody wonderful.
So anyway, there was mold growing under my carpet of the black variety, and now I'm sicker than shit, so go fucking figure. I've been sick for two weeks, and Mom wants to see if I can shake it off. How much ya wanna bet it's from the mold and dampness? :D
Tom. Sigh.
He'd been driving on a suspended license since August, and it finally caught up to him last week. He ended up with $997 worth of tickets, so he moved in with his mom. His mom continues to trash talk me, saying I'm in a "downward spiral," I'm "white trash," that I'm "using him," and all this other shit. Basically, she associates me with Tom's dad's death since I was there at the fucking hospital trying to be fucking supportive. See where that got me? For fuck's sake. So anyway, she's basically trying to prevent Tom from talking to me as much as she possibly can, and she's even gone so far as looking at his Verizon account online to see how much and who he's talking to -- namely, how much he's talking to me. She won't let him leave to come see me, so he has to make up excuses to leave the house to spend 30 minutes with me once or twice a week. Plus, they keep him insanely occupied so that he doesn't even get to think about me. So I think, anyway.
I'm this close to calling it quits. I can't stand this shit, and I hate not being able to do normal things with him, like hang out and go on dates. I don't need him to be happy, but having this tsunami of shit swirling around me thanks to his mother and family is driving me nuts. Things will get better if I hang in there. He'll leave his mom or his mom will force him to break up with me.
Most days, I don't give a damn. But for some reason tonight, knowing that he's going out and spending time with his family, going out to eat at a nice restaurant and all that, it's a bummer. He can't even text or call me if his mother or sister are in the room with him.
It sucks. I'm deeply hurt by their rejection of me, even though I know I shouldn't give a shit. I have enough shit to deal with, between my son and my father, and I don't need this extra stress.
I don't know if I should bail on this bullshit or just stick it out and see if it improves. I'm going to start living for myself, and this just feels like more heartache than I need.
I don't want to be alone.
Okay, that's enough of the emo bullshit. All that shit aside, I'm doing alright. I have a roof over my head, bills paid, no job yet. I've been working out at the gym when I'm not sick, and I'm determined to be physically sexy again.
Rawr!