(#1732)
So. Mr. Jolley teaches part of the Global Communications class that all House 2 freshman have been required to take since last school year, and so we had a sub because they're doing the end of year presentations and I ended up going to the ones for this class period, and the last presentation was about date rape and acquaintance rape and I was trying so hard to stay in my book so I wouldn't hear the presenter so I wouldn't cry or throw up or run. I wanted to run out and cry outside and I couldn't because I didn't want to cause a commotion and I wish I had because I'd feel better and I don't want to think about it at all and I wish I could just go and change things and the only reason I ever started going to Washington is because of him and I would have gone to Schlagle (where I wouldn't have survived very long), but the price I pay to need to go to school here is just too high. I don't want to remember. When does it end?
I don't want to think about him or hate him or anything anymore and I hurt and I want to cry and I can't because people would think that I'm fucking nuts.
There was another presentation about abuse, which was also just dandy, but it didn't mess with me like the other one. (There were also four presentations on teen pregnancy and one on academic anxiety.)
When does the abuse end for me? Will it always be there, in me, shaping me, changing me? Will it always make me not trust anyone new, and hate men, and be crabby and bitchy and snarky and hurtful? Will I ever stop jumping at my own shadow some days? Will I ever stop being scared that everyone wants to hurt me?
When does it stop?
I don't want to think about him or hate him or anything anymore and I hurt and I want to cry and I can't because people would think that I'm fucking nuts.
There was another presentation about abuse, which was also just dandy, but it didn't mess with me like the other one. (There were also four presentations on teen pregnancy and one on academic anxiety.)
When does the abuse end for me? Will it always be there, in me, shaping me, changing me? Will it always make me not trust anyone new, and hate men, and be crabby and bitchy and snarky and hurtful? Will I ever stop jumping at my own shadow some days? Will I ever stop being scared that everyone wants to hurt me?
When does it stop?