(no subject)
this has been the most confusing past few weeks of my entire life..
and i just need to get this shit off my chest, so if you don't wanna hear about being broken up with and all that shit you should stop reading now..
anyway, so kenny and i broke up about a month ago.. and got back together after a week or so. and we were fine, like i'm so happy when i'm with him it's insane.. and when we broke up he's the one that decided that and i guess it was alright it gave me time to think about things and realize how much i do care about him, despite how mean him breaking up with me was. but we got back together after a week and were fine, that weekend he came down and it was such an amazing weekend, like we just had so much fun together and we didn't do anything except go to the movies and he slept here.. but it was such a good weekend, the best by far.
well we've been fine and on valentines day i guess he went to this party and i looked at his retarded facebook and he had all these pictures up that were of him and a bunch of girls.. and i'm fine if he has girls that are friends and if he takes a picture with them, but those of you that are from lovely NOVA know how shitty the guys here are, and how careless and rude they are.. and that when they get drunk they'll cheat on your ass in a second..
well since i live in lovely NOVA, and i'm so used to these fucking dog ass guys here.. my first instinct was to question the shit out of him about those girls (i've met a few of those VCU girls and they all seem really fake nice towards me, but idk..there are a few that are really sweet and i <3 them) but anyway. i just questioned him and got super jealous, even though i know in my right fucking mind that he cares about me and wants to be with me, NOT them so there was no reason for me to question it..but sometimes you just can't help it ya know? and i didn't mean any harm by it.. but he was good about it and answered whatever i asked and they were legit answers so there was no reason for me to be paranoid, at all it was stupid.
so friday i go to his dad's house right after i get off work (i sat in like freakin 3 hours of traffic) so i get there at 8:30 and i give him his present and he gives me my cute presents.. and then we go lay on the couch and watch The Departed (that's the movie i bought him) and we just hung out and i asked what time we were going to his friends house because he wanted to go and i wanted to see them and say hi too. so around 10:30 we went over and saw them and they were fixing his friend mike's car. so kenny and i sat in the car and then we got food and came back and then when they were finished we went to his friend mike's house and just watched tv and then went home..well i stayed the night that night and we were fine, completely freakin fine.. not fighting not anything just hanging out being happy together..well saturday i leave around 2..and i get home.. get ready and go out with chels and jennalee that night.. i hadn't talked to kenny since..
sunday i call him up and he's fine and then he's in an insane mood because he felt like poop.. understandable. well he's like i'll call you later. so we got off the phone and i went tanning with jenn and i get home and i call him and i'm like hey..ya know i'm really sorry about earlier and making you so mad (because i was sorry) and he's like it's okay i'm sorry too. so we get off the phone.. well i watched the simple life and fell asleep and called him when i woke up..just to say hi and talk..wel he was at his friends house and idk things went downhill from there.. because the next thing i know, he's broken up with me.
i have no idea what to do, so last nite i went there and i was gonna talk to him face to face, but he wasn't there so i wrote a two page note and left it on his little nightstand thing.. i dont know how he's going to react to it, but in the note i just answered all the questions he asked me on the phone.. like why i care about him, how do i know i do, what i think the whole concept of love is and all that stuff, but i answered it all and told him a few reasons about why i care about him and everything.. i dont know what he's going to think about that note and for all i know he could've just ripped it up and say fuck her.. who knows.
i just know i miss him, a lot. and i know that what he did was mean, and stupid..but i care about him and so it's not like i can just write him off.. and i don't want to. it's not like i've had real relationship and this one was my first serious real relationship and i'm not ready for it to end just because i know he still cares about me, he's told me that himself and that part of the reason we broke up, well a huge part.. is because he hadn't felt good because of the retarded medicine, which has insane side effects [ie;severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger] that so describes his mood last nite because he's so calm usually and never ever yells at me, ever.. no matter how much of a jerk i've been to him in the past he's never done that to me.. i just want him to realize how stupid his choice was and that this isn't what he wants. and even if some people think i shouldn't get back with him or want to.. i want to..because he's fine any other time..
alright i just needed to vent, it's going to be on my mind all day today. and i'm going to call out of work, i don't care how mad the doctor gets.
and i just need to get this shit off my chest, so if you don't wanna hear about being broken up with and all that shit you should stop reading now..
anyway, so kenny and i broke up about a month ago.. and got back together after a week or so. and we were fine, like i'm so happy when i'm with him it's insane.. and when we broke up he's the one that decided that and i guess it was alright it gave me time to think about things and realize how much i do care about him, despite how mean him breaking up with me was. but we got back together after a week and were fine, that weekend he came down and it was such an amazing weekend, like we just had so much fun together and we didn't do anything except go to the movies and he slept here.. but it was such a good weekend, the best by far.
well we've been fine and on valentines day i guess he went to this party and i looked at his retarded facebook and he had all these pictures up that were of him and a bunch of girls.. and i'm fine if he has girls that are friends and if he takes a picture with them, but those of you that are from lovely NOVA know how shitty the guys here are, and how careless and rude they are.. and that when they get drunk they'll cheat on your ass in a second..
well since i live in lovely NOVA, and i'm so used to these fucking dog ass guys here.. my first instinct was to question the shit out of him about those girls (i've met a few of those VCU girls and they all seem really fake nice towards me, but idk..there are a few that are really sweet and i <3 them) but anyway. i just questioned him and got super jealous, even though i know in my right fucking mind that he cares about me and wants to be with me, NOT them so there was no reason for me to question it..but sometimes you just can't help it ya know? and i didn't mean any harm by it.. but he was good about it and answered whatever i asked and they were legit answers so there was no reason for me to be paranoid, at all it was stupid.
so friday i go to his dad's house right after i get off work (i sat in like freakin 3 hours of traffic) so i get there at 8:30 and i give him his present and he gives me my cute presents.. and then we go lay on the couch and watch The Departed (that's the movie i bought him) and we just hung out and i asked what time we were going to his friends house because he wanted to go and i wanted to see them and say hi too. so around 10:30 we went over and saw them and they were fixing his friend mike's car. so kenny and i sat in the car and then we got food and came back and then when they were finished we went to his friend mike's house and just watched tv and then went home..well i stayed the night that night and we were fine, completely freakin fine.. not fighting not anything just hanging out being happy together..well saturday i leave around 2..and i get home.. get ready and go out with chels and jennalee that night.. i hadn't talked to kenny since..
sunday i call him up and he's fine and then he's in an insane mood because he felt like poop.. understandable. well he's like i'll call you later. so we got off the phone and i went tanning with jenn and i get home and i call him and i'm like hey..ya know i'm really sorry about earlier and making you so mad (because i was sorry) and he's like it's okay i'm sorry too. so we get off the phone.. well i watched the simple life and fell asleep and called him when i woke up..just to say hi and talk..wel he was at his friends house and idk things went downhill from there.. because the next thing i know, he's broken up with me.
i have no idea what to do, so last nite i went there and i was gonna talk to him face to face, but he wasn't there so i wrote a two page note and left it on his little nightstand thing.. i dont know how he's going to react to it, but in the note i just answered all the questions he asked me on the phone.. like why i care about him, how do i know i do, what i think the whole concept of love is and all that stuff, but i answered it all and told him a few reasons about why i care about him and everything.. i dont know what he's going to think about that note and for all i know he could've just ripped it up and say fuck her.. who knows.
i just know i miss him, a lot. and i know that what he did was mean, and stupid..but i care about him and so it's not like i can just write him off.. and i don't want to. it's not like i've had real relationship and this one was my first serious real relationship and i'm not ready for it to end just because i know he still cares about me, he's told me that himself and that part of the reason we broke up, well a huge part.. is because he hadn't felt good because of the retarded medicine, which has insane side effects [ie;severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger] that so describes his mood last nite because he's so calm usually and never ever yells at me, ever.. no matter how much of a jerk i've been to him in the past he's never done that to me.. i just want him to realize how stupid his choice was and that this isn't what he wants. and even if some people think i shouldn't get back with him or want to.. i want to..because he's fine any other time..
alright i just needed to vent, it's going to be on my mind all day today. and i'm going to call out of work, i don't care how mad the doctor gets.