god damn
well now. what is going to happen in a couple weeks is going to change everything of the future. so, im gonna get kicked out cuz im not gonna pay the rent here cuz i dont think its fair to pay to live with someone who owes you and your fmaily lots of child support then go around and being like, oh haha sorry i need that money for me leaving you as a kid. haha oh yeah. its just like living with my father. its like when i 1st started living with my dad full-time ( parents had partial custody til i was 5) anyways, he remarried and my real mom slowly came outta the pic and my step mom was living with us and then she started to be mean after the twins were born and i felt outta place cuz my dad always took her place even tho i was hi little "princess". i took it very very very very badly when my step-mom retook that name for me. then when i was 15 i met a boy and i had always dreamed of meeting my knight in shining armor. there fore- keith hursey. he was perfect. i fell in love the 1st day that 17 yr old boy was sitting across from me and looking very hungry... then i offered him my fries and then and there i knew i would always love him. haha i remember the 1st time he held me in his arms was the day after and we were on the 2nd building sitting up against the brick wall and we were in each others arms for 2 hrs straight!! it went by like 5 min no joke. then i remember making out on top where the boys locker rooms are on the 2nd story and we were next to the door and we both got hit by the door and shocked us... and then the time when me, him, celeste, and scott all went to the movies and i stayed in the bathroom talking to girls who ACTUALLY said that, yeah we saw you and your boyfriend. you guys look so cute together, blah blah blah. so he got worried and met me in front of the bathroom entrance with a tampon in his hand. lol. we saw the time machine that nite. i was a sphmore and he was a senior. him and scott ran around pushing each other inside the shopping baskets at like 11 pm- 2 hrs past my curfew. i got grounded and boy did i get yelled at that nite but was i paying attetntion? nooooo. i remember going to sleep every nite after being sung that song and kissing his picture good nite. i remember meeting him every day after almost class and meeting his parents and meeting his alias sister who i had known all along who was in my gym class. i remember he had changed his beads into a door at my suggestion. i remember prom nite and that day. haha we had more than a few hrs b4 prom and him and his family picked me up at 6 am and we went on a breast cancer walk or sumthin like that then i got lost going to my grandparents house. then i got my hair done and he was over my house like nothin. i rmember us sitting on the couch and glazing in each others eyes and he told me i was beautiful. he was the most gorgeous man i had ever seen i nmy life at that moment in time. i remember after prom.....woo hoo. then i remember getting a flat tire and his father having to explain to my step mother about it. then keith brought over a letter one day after being forbidden to see me and the law was involved and keith broke it off with me. i was among devastated, shocked and i guess you could say i tweeked that whole entire time. i fell into a dark hole in the ground and i couldnt literally sleep, eat or do anything. i could just remember getting up and the thought crossing my mind and crying from when i opened my eyes and me getting up and getting dressed and crying and i rmember my step mom coming in the room i was sitting down on my bed, tying my shoes and crying my eyes out. i went into the deepest depression any one could ever know. my 16th bday i shoulda gotten a fuckin academy award for. i couldnt un set my smile until i got home and let it all out and went crazy and deprssed again and saw the tylenol. the bada boom. im outta the hospital and i have a new job at big lots and its middle of summer and my grandmother is staying with us. my dad sits me down when i get home from work and he says to me, lori, your step mother doesnt want me anywhere. she needs time and i need you to go with you. i cant take care of you. im sorry. " and thats that. then bada boom. keith moves. bada boom. i move into a 2 bdrm 2 bath with 3 other ppl.schools abbout to start. then keith comes back down and stays with a close friend of ours..:) and we spend every nite together and my step mom let him spend the nite and he got in real good with the family and he spent halloween, thanksgiving, and we had our little x mas together and thats the last time lori and keith are ever going to see each other. his brother comes down a few days b4 the flight. the bam! its the morning of.i remember waking up at 4 in the morning and actually feeling like i never went to sleep. its me, keith, travis, and john. keith had girly luggage so i commented and we all laughed. then we were all out side of the plane departure thing. the sweet little kiss that was given to me will last in my heart as long as i live. that was the last time they were ever going to see each other alive. im just remembering the good times keith. i miss you and i miss the love we shared. i know it will never be the same and we both had moved on but you will always have a special place in my heart forever and ever. please dont forget me and think of me as the future me when i die. i know the actions that i do and i know the consequences. i know what this shit does to ppl so i know.i do not know what is going to happen in the near months but im getting kicked out cuz im not gonna pay rent so i dont know where this is all gonna lead with my life... but, i still do it. its my fault and im just asking to please, remember me and never forget...
~L
~L