i don't want to offend anyone on my LJ, so i'm continuing my thought here..
i've had three people on LJ that I've "known" since around 2006.
that's a long time.
we were all in the same boat in terms of health, issues, approach to healing... all of it. we would moan and complain and dream and discuss... all the same stuff we're doing now.
and one by one they all got pregnant.
they were each incredibly sensitive and wonderful and lovely to me. but they also put in some distance.
but i don't have the nerve to ask why.
because they needed to move forward and i represent a bad place for them? because they are just too damn busy now for LJ? Lol. because they feel superior or guilty a little bit?
i feel awful thinking these things, and i don't feel entitled to anyone's attention. and i'm not even really complaining. my expectations are in check.
I don't BLAME them, I just wish I understood more of what life is like now on the other side. That is the one weird thing... they spent YEARS trying and for each of them it worked out like magic with no interventions.
i wish they would report if it is or isn't as good as they thought.
i've gently hinted about it on my journal before, and they don't bite.
i don't get it at all. what is there to hide, you know?
anyway, i'm splitting hairs for no reason. these are all lovely women and continue to be great supports and friends. i just don't get this one mystery piece...
they've been in the same boat as us and they got their long awaited miracle... so: what's it like on that level? not the day to day ups and downs, but that deep, deep level.
I understand completely. It's sort of lonely on this side once everyone gets their happy ending. And I know once you have your little ones life intrudes, and I'm sure there's some part of them that is keeping a little distance as to not bum you out.
I feel a little differently. I don't want to know what it's like on the other side because I'm not sure I'll ever be there and I don't want to have a gilmpse of it. And once you've gotten pregnant and have had your healthy baby, you no longer know what I'm going thru. That's probably wrong thinking on my part, but since I CANT get and stay pregnant, I don't want to hear about your success story and how you tired and tired and then it all just worked out. It's not going to work out for me that way with my situation so all your well meaning platitudes aren't going to do a damn thing, and will probably just piss me off.
Sorry. I'm in a bad place today so I'm all moody and grumpy. My mom said something on Thursday about the infertility that sort of pissed me off, and it's underlining my whole thought process these days.
No, it's cool. This week I'm pretty much in that mindframe that it will never happen for us and that we won't adopt or anything either. Or at least not soon. If I had to decide today, we'd just stay child-free and find ways to own it and love it.
i've had three people on LJ that I've "known" since around 2006.
that's a long time.
we were all in the same boat in terms of health, issues, approach to healing... all of it. we would moan and complain and dream and discuss... all the same stuff we're doing now.
and one by one they all got pregnant.
they were each incredibly sensitive and wonderful and lovely to me. but they also put in some distance.
but i don't have the nerve to ask why.
because they needed to move forward and i represent a bad place for them?
because they are just too damn busy now for LJ? Lol.
because they feel superior or guilty a little bit?
i feel awful thinking these things, and i don't feel entitled to anyone's attention. and i'm not even really complaining. my expectations are in check.
I don't BLAME them, I just wish I understood more of what life is like now on the other side. That is the one weird thing... they spent YEARS trying and for each of them it worked out like magic with no interventions.
i wish they would report if it is or isn't as good as they thought.
i've gently hinted about it on my journal before, and they don't bite.
i don't get it at all. what is there to hide, you know?
anyway, i'm splitting hairs for no reason. these are all lovely women and continue to be great supports and friends. i just don't get this one mystery piece...
they've been in the same boat as us and they got their long awaited miracle... so: what's it like on that level? not the day to day ups and downs, but that deep, deep level.
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I understand completely. It's sort of lonely on this side once everyone gets their happy ending. And I know once you have your little ones life intrudes, and I'm sure there's some part of them that is keeping a little distance as to not bum you out.
I feel a little differently. I don't want to know what it's like on the other side because I'm not sure I'll ever be there and I don't want to have a gilmpse of it. And once you've gotten pregnant and have had your healthy baby, you no longer know what I'm going thru. That's probably wrong thinking on my part, but since I CANT get and stay pregnant, I don't want to hear about your success story and how you tired and tired and then it all just worked out. It's not going to work out for me that way with my situation so all your well meaning platitudes aren't going to do a damn thing, and will probably just piss me off.
Sorry. I'm in a bad place today so I'm all moody and grumpy. My mom said something on Thursday about the infertility that sort of pissed me off, and it's underlining my whole thought process these days.
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