nothing in my mind

[lorenzodevine]

has made much sense the past few days. i find myself developing feelings for something that hasnt been there in months. something i dont even know could happen. an instant that tore me apart may have been a blessing but it has led to where i am now. some events have happened since then that have changed my perception on it. maybe it was to show that some where down the line i would have these feelings again and maybe things would work in my favor. but, with my luck of bad hands being delt to me, would that ever happen? it all may be sounding as if i want to be seen as a pitty case, but thats not true. i am just trying to find that thing that will make me whole again. i dont know what that exact thing is but i want it. this recent incident has reminded me how i was hurt, how i was torn apart, but for some reason i am trying to get it back. im trying to fulfill what my heart desires. and yes, i know that sounds cliche' and sad but it is the truth. im desperate for this. im a fool for trying this again.

im nothing but a boy who is trying to get back what he lost and hurt him for some strange reason. ill never understand this, no one will. but thats fine with me. maybe, this will work. maybe, it will not. i have nothing to do but actually trust fate and hope it actually exists.