Yes- this is for you. Replying to the deleted comment I still got through my e-mail:loreleiskyeOctober 11 2006, 21:11:31 UTC
I saw your reply to my other post; I took this post down for a bit while I cleaned it up a little and tried to find better words for a few things.
It was mentioned that I was coming across as trying to do this for attention. That's why I took this down to clean up. NO. That wasn't what I was trying to say. Attempts, threats of attempts, just get my attention as nothing else will. I have lost friends, good friends, to suicide. And if there is one thing I learned, it's to take all threats seriously. People who say things like this usually mean it. But they also usualy want to be talked out of it. Only once did I have a friend who used this as an 'attention getting device'. I walked away from him and never looked back.
I get the not wanting to be seen thing. I understand depression. I understand pain and dispair. In this you are not alone.
God, the Lord and Lady- or whatever you choose to call Diety- Loves you. Created you. Wants you to stick around. And does not want harm to come to you. So in this way as well, you are not alone.
You have friends. Here on LJ, in your new town, in your old town... spread all over. You have friends. Maybe you haven't 'been doing right' by some of them, but that doesn't mean they aren't still here for you. But, yes, you have to BE a friend back to regain trust and rebuild the friendship for some. It is a road worth traveling. You are not alone.
You also have family that cares about you. Your little sister, your grandmother, your aunt... how would they feel? What hole would you leave in thier lives?
Re: Yes- this is for you. Replying to the deleted comment I still got through my e-mail:loreleiskyeOctober 12 2006, 16:45:39 UTC
Actually, the reason it was deleted was because I was replying to this entry and then when I went to push the "submit" button, it had disappeared. So I replied to another, and just deleted it a) because you would still get it, and b) for some reason, it was showing that anonymous posters couldn't access your entries, and so I had to sign in.
To be more precise, the one who mentioned that I was coming across as trying to do this for attention has since retracted that statement (or, at least, gave me the impression they did), and was not you in any way. I apologize for my wording; it made sense to me when I typed it, and the leap of logic was probably only in my own head. ^^;;
As of right now, I am scheduled for intense therapy (outpatient) beginning on Friday; I was planning to admit myself to the hospital last night as a scare tactic for myself, but ended up not needing it. I had to sit, alone, for almost six hours with people who actually are the bad kind of crazy, and anything I have to do to not be them, I'll do.
Right now, I'm not ready to talk. I don't plan on telling my family, mainly because I'm already the black sheep and this would mean losing contact with my sister. Honestly, the best thing for me right now is to *not* be seen so I can get my footing back.
cleaned it up a little and tried to find better words for a few things.
It was mentioned that I was coming across as trying to do this for attention.
That's why I took this down to clean up. NO. That wasn't what I was trying to say. Attempts, threats of attempts, just get my attention as nothing else will. I have lost friends, good friends, to suicide. And if there is one thing I learned, it's to take all threats seriously. People who say things like this usually mean it. But they also usualy want to be talked out of it. Only once did I have a friend who used this as an 'attention getting device'. I walked away from him and never looked back.
I get the not wanting to be seen thing. I understand depression.
I understand pain and dispair.
In this you are not alone.
God, the Lord and Lady- or whatever you choose to call Diety- Loves you. Created you. Wants you to stick around. And does not want harm to come to you.
So in this way as well, you are not alone.
You have friends. Here on LJ, in your new town, in your old town... spread all over. You have friends. Maybe you haven't 'been doing right' by some of them, but that doesn't mean they aren't still here for you. But, yes, you have to BE a friend back to regain trust and rebuild the friendship for some. It is a road worth traveling.
You are not alone.
You also have family that cares about you. Your little sister, your grandmother, your aunt... how would they feel? What hole would you leave in thier lives?
You. Are. NOT. Alone.
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To be more precise, the one who mentioned that I was coming across as trying to do this for attention has since retracted that statement (or, at least, gave me the impression they did), and was not you in any way. I apologize for my wording; it made sense to me when I typed it, and the leap of logic was probably only in my own head. ^^;;
As of right now, I am scheduled for intense therapy (outpatient) beginning on Friday; I was planning to admit myself to the hospital last night as a scare tactic for myself, but ended up not needing it. I had to sit, alone, for almost six hours with people who actually are the bad kind of crazy, and anything I have to do to not be them, I'll do.
Right now, I'm not ready to talk. I don't plan on telling my family, mainly because I'm already the black sheep and this would mean losing contact with my sister. Honestly, the best thing for me right now is to *not* be seen so I can get my footing back.
Again, thank you for this entry.
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