(no subject)
My grandpa had a heart attack today. He is currently 4 hours away from me, in a hospital. They're waiting for test results to see if he's strong enough for open heart surgery. If he isn't, the other option is to give him blood thinners and send him home to make sure he's comfortable.
This is total shit and makes me want to rip out my viscera and just yell at everything.
I am well aware of how melodramatic that is. I don't care.
I don't know what to think about the sudden realization that I do, in fact, have issues. I've never been able to categorize it so cleanly. I've always just felt like I never had a handle on things. Now I have a clear-cut list of reasons why the way I act is not in any way correct. I need to fix it. Steve and I are planning on getting married once everything is moved in to the house. Part of me wants to put it off until Christmas or thereabouts, since there will be a greater chance that more people will be in town to celebrate with us. Part of me wants to have insurance NOW so I can get a handle on this OCD/PPD business.
I haven't felt like myself my entire life, and I'm hoping there's some imbalance to blame it on. If anything, I'd like to be able to at least run my ideas by a doctor.
When I told someone I was afraid I had OCD, they asked if I was just getting to be a hypochondriac from reading about it. I figure either way I need to talk to a professional sometime soon. I'm managing, and I'm not doing things I shouldn't anymore. I'm trying to fight it on my own for the moment, and we'll see where it takes me.
If any of you want, positive vibes for my grandpa are much appreciated. I want to be there with them so bad right now, but we'd be stuck in a hospital and that definitely isn't the best place for Dex. :(
This is total shit and makes me want to rip out my viscera and just yell at everything.
I am well aware of how melodramatic that is. I don't care.
I don't know what to think about the sudden realization that I do, in fact, have issues. I've never been able to categorize it so cleanly. I've always just felt like I never had a handle on things. Now I have a clear-cut list of reasons why the way I act is not in any way correct. I need to fix it. Steve and I are planning on getting married once everything is moved in to the house. Part of me wants to put it off until Christmas or thereabouts, since there will be a greater chance that more people will be in town to celebrate with us. Part of me wants to have insurance NOW so I can get a handle on this OCD/PPD business.
I haven't felt like myself my entire life, and I'm hoping there's some imbalance to blame it on. If anything, I'd like to be able to at least run my ideas by a doctor.
When I told someone I was afraid I had OCD, they asked if I was just getting to be a hypochondriac from reading about it. I figure either way I need to talk to a professional sometime soon. I'm managing, and I'm not doing things I shouldn't anymore. I'm trying to fight it on my own for the moment, and we'll see where it takes me.
If any of you want, positive vibes for my grandpa are much appreciated. I want to be there with them so bad right now, but we'd be stuck in a hospital and that definitely isn't the best place for Dex. :(