The Story of Captain Lookatmeinmywhitesuv
So I had a fairly entertaining day. Went to garage sales in the morning. Intended to grill out with friends in the evening.
It's 6:30 and I'm not grilling out. Why? Mike told me to leave. Mike was right in doing so. One thing I agree with above the whole "bros before hos" is that you always stand up for your girlfriend when it's crunch time. Andi was upset and didn't want me around, so Mike did the right thing by telling me to leave.
So now you want to know what happened? Follow me:
Jonah and I stop by HyVee and get brats, buns and drinks. We head over to Andi's to meet with everyone for an evening of grilling and good times. On the way, about 2 blocks from Andi's, some asshole is parked crookedly in the street taking up 2/3 of the street. We have to drive on the wrong side of the road and barely fit past him. He didn't even acknowledge that there was an oncoming vehicle. I do the reasonable thing and flip him off. His wife and kids are outside and they see it, but Captain Doesntfuckingpayattention doesn't.
Jonah and I pull up at Andi's and greet everyone. I have enough time to tell them that I'm in a trouble making mood and I've been laughing at everyone we've seen. Then some vehicle pulls up and some guy starts walking up the drive way. Everyone's confused and asking "who's this guy?" I recognize the vehicle and say "Oh, this is the asshole I just flipped off." Captain Thinkshesintimidating then tries to talk shit and threatens me. Great threats included "I wanna break this chair and stab you with it," "I've got 6 years of ranger school, what the fuck do you have?" and "you don't do that in front of my wife and kids. You don't even own your own house." Long story short, Captain Isntcatchingonthatimnotintimidated keeps moving closer over the course of this 5 or so minute argument until he's up in my face. He's probably assuming he's going to intimidate me at this point because he's a big dude, but fuck him. I'm not backing down, I'm not apologizing, and I wasn't wrong. He keeps telling me to just let it go so I can enjoy my Saturday night and not ruin it. I keep telling him to let it go and to leave so I can enjoy my Saturday night.
So he finally leaves. I go to put a brat on the grill and continue with my night because that asshole means nothing to me. He's a funny story. Something I can write about and laugh about. Mike and Trish get pissed at me right away and tell me I should have just apologized. Fuck that guy though. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. Jonah speaks up and says that the guy was taking up too much of the road and deserved it. Then Mike tells me and Jonah both to leave. Jonah finishes his cigarette and I gather my stuff. I apologize to Mike and Andi separately for bringing this to them. Mike tells me to ask Andi if she wants me to leave. I don't. I just leave.
Yeah, I'm slightly upset that none of my friends stood by me except Jonah. Yeah, I'm kinda upset that my friends all assume that asshole was right in threatening me. They know me and they know that I will confront people. This includes flipping someone off if they're being an asshole on the road and not apologizing to people that don't deserve it. I feel bad that I fucked up their evening, if only for a little bit. I feel really bad that Jonah got kicked out with me when he did the right thing by standing up for me. I'm disappointed that I don't get to grill out or hand out with friends.
Moral of the story: Some guy wanted to break a lawn chair and stab me with it. That's fucking funny.
It's 6:30 and I'm not grilling out. Why? Mike told me to leave. Mike was right in doing so. One thing I agree with above the whole "bros before hos" is that you always stand up for your girlfriend when it's crunch time. Andi was upset and didn't want me around, so Mike did the right thing by telling me to leave.
So now you want to know what happened? Follow me:
Jonah and I stop by HyVee and get brats, buns and drinks. We head over to Andi's to meet with everyone for an evening of grilling and good times. On the way, about 2 blocks from Andi's, some asshole is parked crookedly in the street taking up 2/3 of the street. We have to drive on the wrong side of the road and barely fit past him. He didn't even acknowledge that there was an oncoming vehicle. I do the reasonable thing and flip him off. His wife and kids are outside and they see it, but Captain Doesntfuckingpayattention doesn't.
Jonah and I pull up at Andi's and greet everyone. I have enough time to tell them that I'm in a trouble making mood and I've been laughing at everyone we've seen. Then some vehicle pulls up and some guy starts walking up the drive way. Everyone's confused and asking "who's this guy?" I recognize the vehicle and say "Oh, this is the asshole I just flipped off." Captain Thinkshesintimidating then tries to talk shit and threatens me. Great threats included "I wanna break this chair and stab you with it," "I've got 6 years of ranger school, what the fuck do you have?" and "you don't do that in front of my wife and kids. You don't even own your own house." Long story short, Captain Isntcatchingonthatimnotintimidated keeps moving closer over the course of this 5 or so minute argument until he's up in my face. He's probably assuming he's going to intimidate me at this point because he's a big dude, but fuck him. I'm not backing down, I'm not apologizing, and I wasn't wrong. He keeps telling me to just let it go so I can enjoy my Saturday night and not ruin it. I keep telling him to let it go and to leave so I can enjoy my Saturday night.
So he finally leaves. I go to put a brat on the grill and continue with my night because that asshole means nothing to me. He's a funny story. Something I can write about and laugh about. Mike and Trish get pissed at me right away and tell me I should have just apologized. Fuck that guy though. I'm not giving him the satisfaction. Jonah speaks up and says that the guy was taking up too much of the road and deserved it. Then Mike tells me and Jonah both to leave. Jonah finishes his cigarette and I gather my stuff. I apologize to Mike and Andi separately for bringing this to them. Mike tells me to ask Andi if she wants me to leave. I don't. I just leave.
Yeah, I'm slightly upset that none of my friends stood by me except Jonah. Yeah, I'm kinda upset that my friends all assume that asshole was right in threatening me. They know me and they know that I will confront people. This includes flipping someone off if they're being an asshole on the road and not apologizing to people that don't deserve it. I feel bad that I fucked up their evening, if only for a little bit. I feel really bad that Jonah got kicked out with me when he did the right thing by standing up for me. I'm disappointed that I don't get to grill out or hand out with friends.
Moral of the story: Some guy wanted to break a lawn chair and stab me with it. That's fucking funny.