Rules from The Hotel
I've been reading old writing and I happened upon the rules that we had posted at The Hotel. For those of you not in the know, The Hotel was a house that several of my friends and I rented. There were people constantly coming and going, there was rarely an hour that someone wasn't awake, and we spent most of our time fucking around and living like debaucherous college drop-outs. It was one of the best times in my life. Anyway, The Posp and I wrote a list of rules after living there for about 6 months. This is the list:
Rules for all guests:
1. If you have a problem with anything we say or do, leave. 2. All guests must be approved by at least half of the residents 3. If a resident is going to bed with a chick, please make sure that at least half of the other residents approve of her for that resident. 4. You're not "seeing," "dating," or "going out with" anyone residing in the house or otherwise unless you've had sex with said person. Just because you've had sex, however, doesn't mean you are involved in a relationship with said person, either. 5. You must have seen "Strong Kids, Safe Kids" or be in the company of someone who has seen said video to enter The Hotel. This must be verified by a resident.
Rules for Bitches
1. If you sleep here, it must be with someone who lives in the house, or you must submit a petition explaining why you should not sleep with a resident. This petition must be approved by all residents. Common excuses include: you dyking out, being ugly, or really being a man. 2. If you have not had sex in the last 15 minutes, you are a born again virgin. You may not enter The Hotel unless you are a virgin. 3. You don't have to be hot to get in the door, but how many ugly bitches do you see hanging around? So please, look in the mirror and then decide whether or not we'll appreciate your company here. 4. Giving us smokes, beer, food, drink, money, or washing our dishes may allow us to overlook certain rules and we will certainly invite you back, appreciate your actions, or just use you. 5. There is a one resident limit. DO NOT EVER have sex with or be involved with more than one resident. Period. (Past transgressions excluded.)
Rules for Assholes
1. If you sleep here often enough, you will pay rent. 2. Don't fuck our bitches. Period. 3. Don't try to fuck us. Unless something drastically changes, we're all happily heterosexual.
Rules for all guests:
1. If you have a problem with anything we say or do, leave. 2. All guests must be approved by at least half of the residents 3. If a resident is going to bed with a chick, please make sure that at least half of the other residents approve of her for that resident. 4. You're not "seeing," "dating," or "going out with" anyone residing in the house or otherwise unless you've had sex with said person. Just because you've had sex, however, doesn't mean you are involved in a relationship with said person, either. 5. You must have seen "Strong Kids, Safe Kids" or be in the company of someone who has seen said video to enter The Hotel. This must be verified by a resident.
Rules for Bitches
1. If you sleep here, it must be with someone who lives in the house, or you must submit a petition explaining why you should not sleep with a resident. This petition must be approved by all residents. Common excuses include: you dyking out, being ugly, or really being a man. 2. If you have not had sex in the last 15 minutes, you are a born again virgin. You may not enter The Hotel unless you are a virgin. 3. You don't have to be hot to get in the door, but how many ugly bitches do you see hanging around? So please, look in the mirror and then decide whether or not we'll appreciate your company here. 4. Giving us smokes, beer, food, drink, money, or washing our dishes may allow us to overlook certain rules and we will certainly invite you back, appreciate your actions, or just use you. 5. There is a one resident limit. DO NOT EVER have sex with or be involved with more than one resident. Period. (Past transgressions excluded.)
Rules for Assholes
1. If you sleep here often enough, you will pay rent. 2. Don't fuck our bitches. Period. 3. Don't try to fuck us. Unless something drastically changes, we're all happily heterosexual.