The last time I freaked out, I just kept lookin down.
I had a good day. I had to sell my soul to my mom to clean the house all on saturday to use the car. So I'm really bad with on paper directions so I was on my way to closter new jersey with just a piece of paper guiding me. And surprisingly enough, I made it all the way there. I only cut a few people off. But I was really proud of myself. Especially since I was alone and doing this and never gone on highways alone.
I went to go hang out with this guy named Mark, who I've just been chatting friendly to the past week. He's really nice, and he works as a EMS firefighter or ambulance person. He's saved over 470 lives in 2007. He's a pretty awesome guy. We talked a lot and I gave him a massage and from there we went into sex. I'm not gonna lie but I liked it. He has like 5 things pierced which is crazy but all good. I think I have a thing for him and I think he has one back.
My only thing is I like Shaun and he pretty much comes first in my mind. Idc if im being selfish but thats how I am going to be. Cuz thats me and how I do. I'm pissed mostly now because I asked Matt to do me a favor and try to help me figure out if Shaun has anything for me and try to help me get with him. I asked this to Matt as a favor and he didn't have to get involved but he said that he would do it for me. I was happy that he said he would. But now I find out that Shaun wants to meet this guy from myspace, who is this myspace whore who adds EVERY gay guy and their mother basically. and Shaun asked Matt if they could hang out at Matt's place to chill with Sean Reid, too. So it's basically like a double date. Matt's excuse is he could use this as an opportunity to see if Shaun likes this guy. I dont care. By him doing this it obviously sets me major points back. I would have NO probelm if Shaun set out to meet this guy on his on like a man would. Basically what I just did today. But no he has to pussy out and ask Matt. And Matt of course goes along with it. Not even realizing that I exist. fuck you.
I'm so fuckin sick of being underappreciated. Fuck Matt, Shaun and Sean. I fucking am always nice and chat with Sean Reid and ask him what's wrong online and he talks for fucking 3 HOURS about himself and his relationship and his LIFE and never asks me once and then cancels plans on me to hang out. And then never once in person does he say hi to me or doesn't really try to acknowledge me when we hang out. I'm SO over being his friend. I've TRIED and TRIED and TRIED and TRIED.
And with Shaun I seriously talk to him about his probelms. I hang out with him after school a couple times and with others. I've hung out with him more then anyone else in our lil sub group. I help answer all his questions that he asks me. He asked me to do him a favor and let me know all the gays at NFA and their myspaces and I took my time to do it and did it for him. But I do all this shit for his bitch ass and all I get is a thanks. And then he basically tells me that matt, sean reid and rachel are better friends to him then me? what the fuck?
And with Matt, don't best friends come first? If the situation was reversed I would have told Shaun to venture out and do this on his own like a man would. But he always cave into things. I don't wanna hang out with him for a long time. Cuz that hurts.
And this entry to people may sound like I'm being such a bitch or such an asshole or soo selfish. But I don't give a fuck. Love me or hate me I am gonna say what I am gonna say and I'm fucking me and I'm fucking real. And thats it.
I went to go hang out with this guy named Mark, who I've just been chatting friendly to the past week. He's really nice, and he works as a EMS firefighter or ambulance person. He's saved over 470 lives in 2007. He's a pretty awesome guy. We talked a lot and I gave him a massage and from there we went into sex. I'm not gonna lie but I liked it. He has like 5 things pierced which is crazy but all good. I think I have a thing for him and I think he has one back.
My only thing is I like Shaun and he pretty much comes first in my mind. Idc if im being selfish but thats how I am going to be. Cuz thats me and how I do. I'm pissed mostly now because I asked Matt to do me a favor and try to help me figure out if Shaun has anything for me and try to help me get with him. I asked this to Matt as a favor and he didn't have to get involved but he said that he would do it for me. I was happy that he said he would. But now I find out that Shaun wants to meet this guy from myspace, who is this myspace whore who adds EVERY gay guy and their mother basically. and Shaun asked Matt if they could hang out at Matt's place to chill with Sean Reid, too. So it's basically like a double date. Matt's excuse is he could use this as an opportunity to see if Shaun likes this guy. I dont care. By him doing this it obviously sets me major points back. I would have NO probelm if Shaun set out to meet this guy on his on like a man would. Basically what I just did today. But no he has to pussy out and ask Matt. And Matt of course goes along with it. Not even realizing that I exist. fuck you.
I'm so fuckin sick of being underappreciated. Fuck Matt, Shaun and Sean. I fucking am always nice and chat with Sean Reid and ask him what's wrong online and he talks for fucking 3 HOURS about himself and his relationship and his LIFE and never asks me once and then cancels plans on me to hang out. And then never once in person does he say hi to me or doesn't really try to acknowledge me when we hang out. I'm SO over being his friend. I've TRIED and TRIED and TRIED and TRIED.
And with Shaun I seriously talk to him about his probelms. I hang out with him after school a couple times and with others. I've hung out with him more then anyone else in our lil sub group. I help answer all his questions that he asks me. He asked me to do him a favor and let me know all the gays at NFA and their myspaces and I took my time to do it and did it for him. But I do all this shit for his bitch ass and all I get is a thanks. And then he basically tells me that matt, sean reid and rachel are better friends to him then me? what the fuck?
And with Matt, don't best friends come first? If the situation was reversed I would have told Shaun to venture out and do this on his own like a man would. But he always cave into things. I don't wanna hang out with him for a long time. Cuz that hurts.
And this entry to people may sound like I'm being such a bitch or such an asshole or soo selfish. But I don't give a fuck. Love me or hate me I am gonna say what I am gonna say and I'm fucking me and I'm fucking real. And thats it.