I want to join the army.
Yes, just as the title says, that's what's on my mind right now.
No, this isn't a thought I will follow through on, it's just the product of a deteriorating mental state due to being on holiday. Yes, I know, my life is so hard, I'm on holiday, fuck off.
I just watched The Hurt Locker, a fairly decent film which demonstrates the harshness of the Iraq war fairly well, and demonstrates how it ruins peoples's lives. Not exactly the kind of movie that has you queuing up to sign your life away.
Yet, I still want to join the army. I guess it's a failsafe - "Oh, if this doesn't work out, guess I'll just join the army."
Am I worried about things not working out? Yeah. I'd say so. Beginning my 64-week Graduate Diploma of Game Development on Monday. I need to attend graduation for my Diploma of Interactive Gaming tonight.
So yeah, I never did get around to posting about how that went. I don't know. It was... good? It's hard to say. My technical knowledge increased, as did my work ethic - I tend to get things done, and sometimes before the night before the due date (not always though, we're not talking a complete revolution here). In other respects, I gained weight, met people I haven't talked to since, completely lost all semblance of whatever life I normally had, and bled my bank balance a fair bit.
I don't know if I can handle twice that - in terms of length, and possibly in terms of intensity/difficulty.
These holidays have been pretty shit. The ones over Christmas were great - a welcome respite from three weeks of hell, and I got to get away from everything for an entire week up at Te Pahi. Much needed.
These holidays... eh. Been working on a short story idea that blossomed into a novel idea, but still would've wished to have gotten more done on it. Watched all of the Castle currently available - briefly considered a career as a detective, but you have to be a cop first, and that's kinda lame. And basically realised that I have no life. I spend all my time at home, cooped up in the 5x5m, dimly-lit (I got the shit-all facing window), room that is mine. And computers, eh. They're okay. Just... a bit tired of 'em.
I think part of it is that once I've done this course, I'll be done. I'll have to find my own way, and that's a bit worrisome. I found out last year that I wasn't the most dedicated person in the class, I was kinda in the middle - not a bad student, but not an amazing student, just decent. What fucking chance does that give me. I'd wager it's pretty low. The furthest anyone from MDS - my school - has gotten is Australia, and they're one of those ridiculously dedicated people. The people who have no life but the course and love it. The ones who'll show up at 8:30am, and leave at 9:30pm, and code when they get home.
I don't want to work in New Zealand, and I sure as hell don't want to work in Australia, so, as I said, at least the army might get me to East Timor or something.
I think I covet the "not having to make decisions" thing. I'm tired of leading - was Project Manager, and it fucking sucked. Programmers are amongst the bitchiest people I can think of. For instance:
Lead Designer: "I don't like the rumble when you shoot, I think we should take it out."
Programmer One: "What? I like it."
Programmer Two: "Me too."
Lead Designer: "No. Rumble is overused. I don't like it."
Me: "There won't be enough tactile feedback when you shoot. And the playtesters liked it."
Lead Designer: "I don't like it. We're taking it out."
*FIVE MINUTES OF BITCHING LATER*
Me: "All right then, what about a vote. Those in favour? Two, well, three, including me. Those against? One. Everyone else? Doesn't care."
Lead Designer: "I still don't like it."
Me: "Okay, how about a menu option where you can enable or disable it?"
Lead Designer: *passive-aggressive* "I give up. You do whatever you want."
Me: *DREAMS OF KICKING HIM OUT A WINDOW LIKE A PILLOW*
That's just one example, I have so very many more. I just don't think I can put up with that for another 64 weeks. But what choice do I have? It's either that, or be useless for a year until I feel more "ready" to do it. Considering how much three weeks of holiday have fucked me up, I don't think I could handle 52 of 'em.
I do not know. We'll see. Either way, I'm keen to at least do the seven-week boot camp for the Territorials post-MDS. It's paid too. Swoot.
Time to go fail at sleeping some more.
(P.S. I made amazing shortbread today, so these holidays haven't been a complete bust. Just mostly)
No, this isn't a thought I will follow through on, it's just the product of a deteriorating mental state due to being on holiday. Yes, I know, my life is so hard, I'm on holiday, fuck off.
I just watched The Hurt Locker, a fairly decent film which demonstrates the harshness of the Iraq war fairly well, and demonstrates how it ruins peoples's lives. Not exactly the kind of movie that has you queuing up to sign your life away.
Yet, I still want to join the army. I guess it's a failsafe - "Oh, if this doesn't work out, guess I'll just join the army."
Am I worried about things not working out? Yeah. I'd say so. Beginning my 64-week Graduate Diploma of Game Development on Monday. I need to attend graduation for my Diploma of Interactive Gaming tonight.
So yeah, I never did get around to posting about how that went. I don't know. It was... good? It's hard to say. My technical knowledge increased, as did my work ethic - I tend to get things done, and sometimes before the night before the due date (not always though, we're not talking a complete revolution here). In other respects, I gained weight, met people I haven't talked to since, completely lost all semblance of whatever life I normally had, and bled my bank balance a fair bit.
I don't know if I can handle twice that - in terms of length, and possibly in terms of intensity/difficulty.
These holidays have been pretty shit. The ones over Christmas were great - a welcome respite from three weeks of hell, and I got to get away from everything for an entire week up at Te Pahi. Much needed.
These holidays... eh. Been working on a short story idea that blossomed into a novel idea, but still would've wished to have gotten more done on it. Watched all of the Castle currently available - briefly considered a career as a detective, but you have to be a cop first, and that's kinda lame. And basically realised that I have no life. I spend all my time at home, cooped up in the 5x5m, dimly-lit (I got the shit-all facing window), room that is mine. And computers, eh. They're okay. Just... a bit tired of 'em.
I think part of it is that once I've done this course, I'll be done. I'll have to find my own way, and that's a bit worrisome. I found out last year that I wasn't the most dedicated person in the class, I was kinda in the middle - not a bad student, but not an amazing student, just decent. What fucking chance does that give me. I'd wager it's pretty low. The furthest anyone from MDS - my school - has gotten is Australia, and they're one of those ridiculously dedicated people. The people who have no life but the course and love it. The ones who'll show up at 8:30am, and leave at 9:30pm, and code when they get home.
I don't want to work in New Zealand, and I sure as hell don't want to work in Australia, so, as I said, at least the army might get me to East Timor or something.
I think I covet the "not having to make decisions" thing. I'm tired of leading - was Project Manager, and it fucking sucked. Programmers are amongst the bitchiest people I can think of. For instance:
Lead Designer: "I don't like the rumble when you shoot, I think we should take it out."
Programmer One: "What? I like it."
Programmer Two: "Me too."
Lead Designer: "No. Rumble is overused. I don't like it."
Me: "There won't be enough tactile feedback when you shoot. And the playtesters liked it."
Lead Designer: "I don't like it. We're taking it out."
*FIVE MINUTES OF BITCHING LATER*
Me: "All right then, what about a vote. Those in favour? Two, well, three, including me. Those against? One. Everyone else? Doesn't care."
Lead Designer: "I still don't like it."
Me: "Okay, how about a menu option where you can enable or disable it?"
Lead Designer: *passive-aggressive* "I give up. You do whatever you want."
Me: *DREAMS OF KICKING HIM OUT A WINDOW LIKE A PILLOW*
That's just one example, I have so very many more. I just don't think I can put up with that for another 64 weeks. But what choice do I have? It's either that, or be useless for a year until I feel more "ready" to do it. Considering how much three weeks of holiday have fucked me up, I don't think I could handle 52 of 'em.
I do not know. We'll see. Either way, I'm keen to at least do the seven-week boot camp for the Territorials post-MDS. It's paid too. Swoot.
Time to go fail at sleeping some more.
(P.S. I made amazing shortbread today, so these holidays haven't been a complete bust. Just mostly)