I'm Back Bitches!!!!
As I'm sure you're all aware I haven't been online in a long long time. This was originally due to a conflict that the hellhouse (the house I used to live at in Collingdale) had with PECO (The Philly power company for those of you not around here). They said we had to actually pay for our power and we disagreed. It was a classic lovers spat. They said they'd turn off our power if we didn't pay, we said they didn't have the balls to do that and they promptly whipped them out and set us back to the stone age of candle watt power. We cried, threatened, begged and in the end tried something totally wacky and paid the bill. They put their balls away and we've been good friends ever since.
Then I went through a series of downward spiraling events that I’ll relate later.
That’ll be a hell of an entry.
Now, since I'm totally egotistical I'm assuming that all of you have missed me terribly and on several occasions have cried yourself to sleep at night while refreshing your friend’s page in the hopes of an entry from me. In hopes of making this up to you I'm gonna give you a run down of posts I would have made so you can pretend I was never gone. I'm gonna include a run down of emotions you should feel and actions you should take (or can pretend you did take). These will be shown by italics.
Enjoy With All My Love And Inappropriate Touching,
Hot John Miller
- Witty joke about a celebrity being a dumbass in public and me wondering why they are alive because they annoy me for reasons that don't matter to anyone but me. (Laugh and comment that I'm funny and make a joke about my intelligence.)
- Story about someone in the hellhouse (From when I still lived there) being and idiot and me taking advantage of the situation to make fun of them. (Laugh and agree that they are idiots)
- Story about a night at the bar and having to work the next day, slightly whiny even though I knew I'd have to work when I was heading to the bar. (Laugh slightly about the funny parts of the night but feel no pity for me since it was my own fault)
- Funny joke I made up that starts being less and less funny when I say it in person or on the phone to you twenty times. (Laugh slightly)
- Vicious rant about stuff that pisses me off and makes me angry about human nature. My anger at people's inability to cope with the fact that they are not the most important person in the world. The fact that everything everyone else does isn't an attack on them..... See now I almost got started on a rant and I wasn't even meaning to.. (Laugh and agree and get slightly mad at points I've made while trying not to get pissed off at stuff I've said that applies to you)
- Some random entry that I think is hilarious but no one else gets. (Become slightly uncomfortable and ignore the entry entirely)
- Late night drunken entry about being lonely (when I was still single) and throwing a pity party for myself even though I don't really feel lonely because I know that I've got alot of people that love me. The entry is longish and sounds kinda fake cuz in my drunken state I don't want to name specifics so I don't hurt anyone even though I feel like they've hurt me, though they probably have no idea that anything happened so nothing's really brought to closure. Most likely I was drinking alone cuz I wanted alone time and things got out of hand. (Feel bad for me and reply that you love me and you're always there if I need to talk, or call me and get surprised when I sound completely happy and normal)
- Random picture I made in Photoshop that I'm really proud of but alot of you could make with your eyes closed. That or a funny pic I took of myself to support my ever-expanding ego. This may be accompanied by a funny quote or caption. (Laugh at the joke and feel bad for my self-delusion so you tell me that the pic rocks.)
- Stupid quiz that I decided to do because I'm bored and don't feel like calling back the dozen or so people that asked me to do something with them. The quiz isn't done seriously because I'm actually annoyed at seeing the thing a million other times in random people's journal's whose answers are lame and uninspired and have me falling asleep halfway through. The thing is loaded with fake self-degrading jokes, attacks on random friends and celebrities, and just all around 3rd grade humor. (Laugh at the jokes and wonder why your own quizzes aren't as funny- OUCH, BURN!!!! YOU JUST GOT SERVED!)
- Story about something I said to someone because I have no control over my mouth and say alot of shit I really shouldn't. This goes to prove how my complete honesty isn't ever a good thing and I should learn to just shut up. (Laugh at what I said and wonder why I haven't gotten my ass beat by 90% of those I meet.)
There you have it I hope this has helped you to cope with my absence and get back in tune with my humor and general nature of being an asshole.
Then I went through a series of downward spiraling events that I’ll relate later.
That’ll be a hell of an entry.
Now, since I'm totally egotistical I'm assuming that all of you have missed me terribly and on several occasions have cried yourself to sleep at night while refreshing your friend’s page in the hopes of an entry from me. In hopes of making this up to you I'm gonna give you a run down of posts I would have made so you can pretend I was never gone. I'm gonna include a run down of emotions you should feel and actions you should take (or can pretend you did take). These will be shown by italics.
Enjoy With All My Love And Inappropriate Touching,
Hot John Miller
- Witty joke about a celebrity being a dumbass in public and me wondering why they are alive because they annoy me for reasons that don't matter to anyone but me. (Laugh and comment that I'm funny and make a joke about my intelligence.)
- Story about someone in the hellhouse (From when I still lived there) being and idiot and me taking advantage of the situation to make fun of them. (Laugh and agree that they are idiots)
- Story about a night at the bar and having to work the next day, slightly whiny even though I knew I'd have to work when I was heading to the bar. (Laugh slightly about the funny parts of the night but feel no pity for me since it was my own fault)
- Funny joke I made up that starts being less and less funny when I say it in person or on the phone to you twenty times. (Laugh slightly)
- Vicious rant about stuff that pisses me off and makes me angry about human nature. My anger at people's inability to cope with the fact that they are not the most important person in the world. The fact that everything everyone else does isn't an attack on them..... See now I almost got started on a rant and I wasn't even meaning to.. (Laugh and agree and get slightly mad at points I've made while trying not to get pissed off at stuff I've said that applies to you)
- Some random entry that I think is hilarious but no one else gets. (Become slightly uncomfortable and ignore the entry entirely)
- Late night drunken entry about being lonely (when I was still single) and throwing a pity party for myself even though I don't really feel lonely because I know that I've got alot of people that love me. The entry is longish and sounds kinda fake cuz in my drunken state I don't want to name specifics so I don't hurt anyone even though I feel like they've hurt me, though they probably have no idea that anything happened so nothing's really brought to closure. Most likely I was drinking alone cuz I wanted alone time and things got out of hand. (Feel bad for me and reply that you love me and you're always there if I need to talk, or call me and get surprised when I sound completely happy and normal)
- Random picture I made in Photoshop that I'm really proud of but alot of you could make with your eyes closed. That or a funny pic I took of myself to support my ever-expanding ego. This may be accompanied by a funny quote or caption. (Laugh at the joke and feel bad for my self-delusion so you tell me that the pic rocks.)
- Stupid quiz that I decided to do because I'm bored and don't feel like calling back the dozen or so people that asked me to do something with them. The quiz isn't done seriously because I'm actually annoyed at seeing the thing a million other times in random people's journal's whose answers are lame and uninspired and have me falling asleep halfway through. The thing is loaded with fake self-degrading jokes, attacks on random friends and celebrities, and just all around 3rd grade humor. (Laugh at the jokes and wonder why your own quizzes aren't as funny- OUCH, BURN!!!! YOU JUST GOT SERVED!)
- Story about something I said to someone because I have no control over my mouth and say alot of shit I really shouldn't. This goes to prove how my complete honesty isn't ever a good thing and I should learn to just shut up. (Laugh at what I said and wonder why I haven't gotten my ass beat by 90% of those I meet.)
There you have it I hope this has helped you to cope with my absence and get back in tune with my humor and general nature of being an asshole.