New Years Resolutions
Every year I hear about people making stupid resolutions that make no real change in their life, or are pretty much impossible for them to bring to fruition.
So, in response I'm making a list of things I will absolutly quit, start doing, or hopefully accomplish if things work out.
Enjoy, and I thank you for any support you send my way.
- Finally beat that Michael Jackson impersonator that hangs around the liquor store at Dance Dance Revolution.
- Get Milla Jovovich to start returning my calls, e-mails, letters, UPS deliveries, etc. And for her to lift the restraining order.
- Cure my lycanthropy, oh, and in a related topic, I'd like to apologize to London about my trip there, man did THAT turn out bad.
- Make time to take up President Clinton on his offer to spend a night "Drinkin, Clubbin, and whorin" in NYC. Sorry Willy, I've been swamped.
- Convince Dayna she's not gay so that I can get some lovin.
- Convince Mike he's not gay so I don't have to lock my door at night.
- Get Stacie to come visit so we can fuck up Philly together.
- Find out where that King Cobra got to in my house and return it to the zoo.
- Figure out which dress doesn't make me look fat.
- Stop waking up on Denny's bathroom floor.
- Start waking up on Ruby Tuesday's bathroom floor- high class bitch!
- Figure out how Jesus turned water to wine- and get alcohol poisoning.
- Find out who keeps calling and jokingly saying I'm going to die in a decreasing amount of time.
- Find out what that ticking sound is in my room- it's weird, it just started the other day.
- Fizx the ddelete buytton onm ,my ke0boared.
- Find out if the warrent for my arrest is gone in Utah. Man did the police overreact about that whole "destruction of a city block" thing.
- Either stop my crack addiction or go for it hardcore. It's either all or nothing.
- Get spel chck on my compueter
- Find out what that burning sensation is when I pee.
- Reunite with my children in other states and countries.
- Sue the makers of Gladiator for ripping off my life story.
- Find a 15 year old virgin for the sacrifice of the redemption, in order to complete the ritual of strength and immortality.
- Convince everyone that that last thing was a joke.
- Finish my therapy so that I stop having flashbacks to Vietnam.
- Find out why paste is so damn tasty.
That's it, wish me luck.
So, in response I'm making a list of things I will absolutly quit, start doing, or hopefully accomplish if things work out.
Enjoy, and I thank you for any support you send my way.
- Finally beat that Michael Jackson impersonator that hangs around the liquor store at Dance Dance Revolution.
- Get Milla Jovovich to start returning my calls, e-mails, letters, UPS deliveries, etc. And for her to lift the restraining order.
- Cure my lycanthropy, oh, and in a related topic, I'd like to apologize to London about my trip there, man did THAT turn out bad.
- Make time to take up President Clinton on his offer to spend a night "Drinkin, Clubbin, and whorin" in NYC. Sorry Willy, I've been swamped.
- Convince Dayna she's not gay so that I can get some lovin.
- Convince Mike he's not gay so I don't have to lock my door at night.
- Get Stacie to come visit so we can fuck up Philly together.
- Find out where that King Cobra got to in my house and return it to the zoo.
- Figure out which dress doesn't make me look fat.
- Stop waking up on Denny's bathroom floor.
- Start waking up on Ruby Tuesday's bathroom floor- high class bitch!
- Figure out how Jesus turned water to wine- and get alcohol poisoning.
- Find out who keeps calling and jokingly saying I'm going to die in a decreasing amount of time.
- Find out what that ticking sound is in my room- it's weird, it just started the other day.
- Fizx the ddelete buytton onm ,my ke0boared.
- Find out if the warrent for my arrest is gone in Utah. Man did the police overreact about that whole "destruction of a city block" thing.
- Either stop my crack addiction or go for it hardcore. It's either all or nothing.
- Get spel chck on my compueter
- Find out what that burning sensation is when I pee.
- Reunite with my children in other states and countries.
- Sue the makers of Gladiator for ripping off my life story.
- Find a 15 year old virgin for the sacrifice of the redemption, in order to complete the ritual of strength and immortality.
- Convince everyone that that last thing was a joke.
- Finish my therapy so that I stop having flashbacks to Vietnam.
- Find out why paste is so damn tasty.
That's it, wish me luck.