You lucky people.. It's time for Apologies!
It's been over two months since I've fessed up to my actions, I've got some work to do...
- I would like an apology from the Flinstones. I was told that if I was with them I would have a "Yabba Dabba Do Time," a "Dabba Do Time," and at some point I would have a "Gay Old Time." On my recent visit with them I had none of those things. In fact I had a "Slightly uncomfortable time." While I'm not upset about missing the "Gay Old Time" I was kinda looking forward to the other two things.
- Mike, I'm sorry I got your dog drunk at your birthday party. In my own defence he kept telling me to kill my family, beer was the only logical way to shut him up.
- The other night at the bar I claimed that all I wanted to do was "Stick my zoom zoom zoom and then boom boom" and for you to "Shake your rump." This was a lie, that wasn't really all I wanted. I also could have gone for a Pepsi and a Cheeseburger. Sorry, I should have given my whole order. Oh, I also wanted pie, mmmmmm, pie....
- Steph, I'd like to apologize in advance for not being able to see you at Shock Therapy. I'm sorry that you won't see me in the horribly drunken stupor I would most likely show up in. I'm also sorry that you won't get to see the bouncers physically throwing me out. I'll have to make it up to you and everyone else later.
- I also have to say "sorry" to the bouncers at Shock for not getting retardedly drunk last time. Looks like you guys are out of luck this time too.
- I would like to apologize to everyone at karioke the other night. When I was singing I made a few promises I couldn't keep. While I was correct when I said, "Here I Am," because I was there, but apparently I didn't, "Rock You Like A Hurricane," like I claimed I would. I'm sorry, I'll try harder next time.
- I should probably apologize to the local funeral home I sent that male stripper to in the middle of a viewing. I probably should apologize, but I'm not gonna. Nope, not gonna do it.
- I'm especially sorry about the incident yesterday when I was in the local McDonalds. I don't know what came over me, but when the woman in front of me asked for a milkshake I broke out in song and just started grabbing boobs. That's not actually the part I'm sorry about- in all the funbag grabbing excitement I forgot to get my supersized number 2. I was really hungry too! Damn you, Kelis! Damn you and your catchy tit bouncing song!!!!!
- I'm sorry that there are people out there who think that Jennifer Tilly can act. You either havent ever seen any of her horrible abortions of roles, or you have no idea what a real actor is. You probably like Julia Roberts too, don't you! ADMIT IT!!!!
- It's not really an apology but I just wanted to take a moment to laugh at all the guys who buy the "Girls Gone Wild" DVD's. You might as well watch late night Cinemax, it's pretty much along the same lines. They get naked, wow, you all need to get out and date, or buy real porn. It's like buying a scooter when you really want a Harley.
That's all for now, everyone, I will hopefully have some more when I return from Florida.
- I would like an apology from the Flinstones. I was told that if I was with them I would have a "Yabba Dabba Do Time," a "Dabba Do Time," and at some point I would have a "Gay Old Time." On my recent visit with them I had none of those things. In fact I had a "Slightly uncomfortable time." While I'm not upset about missing the "Gay Old Time" I was kinda looking forward to the other two things.
- Mike, I'm sorry I got your dog drunk at your birthday party. In my own defence he kept telling me to kill my family, beer was the only logical way to shut him up.
- The other night at the bar I claimed that all I wanted to do was "Stick my zoom zoom zoom and then boom boom" and for you to "Shake your rump." This was a lie, that wasn't really all I wanted. I also could have gone for a Pepsi and a Cheeseburger. Sorry, I should have given my whole order. Oh, I also wanted pie, mmmmmm, pie....
- Steph, I'd like to apologize in advance for not being able to see you at Shock Therapy. I'm sorry that you won't see me in the horribly drunken stupor I would most likely show up in. I'm also sorry that you won't get to see the bouncers physically throwing me out. I'll have to make it up to you and everyone else later.
- I also have to say "sorry" to the bouncers at Shock for not getting retardedly drunk last time. Looks like you guys are out of luck this time too.
- I would like to apologize to everyone at karioke the other night. When I was singing I made a few promises I couldn't keep. While I was correct when I said, "Here I Am," because I was there, but apparently I didn't, "Rock You Like A Hurricane," like I claimed I would. I'm sorry, I'll try harder next time.
- I should probably apologize to the local funeral home I sent that male stripper to in the middle of a viewing. I probably should apologize, but I'm not gonna. Nope, not gonna do it.
- I'm especially sorry about the incident yesterday when I was in the local McDonalds. I don't know what came over me, but when the woman in front of me asked for a milkshake I broke out in song and just started grabbing boobs. That's not actually the part I'm sorry about- in all the funbag grabbing excitement I forgot to get my supersized number 2. I was really hungry too! Damn you, Kelis! Damn you and your catchy tit bouncing song!!!!!
- I'm sorry that there are people out there who think that Jennifer Tilly can act. You either havent ever seen any of her horrible abortions of roles, or you have no idea what a real actor is. You probably like Julia Roberts too, don't you! ADMIT IT!!!!
- It's not really an apology but I just wanted to take a moment to laugh at all the guys who buy the "Girls Gone Wild" DVD's. You might as well watch late night Cinemax, it's pretty much along the same lines. They get naked, wow, you all need to get out and date, or buy real porn. It's like buying a scooter when you really want a Harley.
That's all for now, everyone, I will hopefully have some more when I return from Florida.