Painful Debilitating Regret
I used to sleep with the rosary beads wrapped around my hand so I wouldn't be tempted to lust. I dwelt in emptiness and got off completely on piety. I would have expansive manic episodes of unbearable joy.
In the late eighties something snapped inside of me. One night after a peculiarly deep meditation something happened this evil voice erupted out of me and forced me to speak blasphemies to Jesus and The Virgin Mary. I had no control over this voice inside me. It felt like I was being possessed. After that I stopped praying, saying the rosary, I gave up yoga, fasting and meditation, not because I was against those things , i put those activities a side out of fear. I didn't want the voice to come back. It didn't but I was never the same again.
All the repressed anger, lust, rage, anger at being disabled and memories of abuse could not be imprisoned any longer. They burst out demanding the attention they deserved. At last the demon was free and I could learn to feel again.
Eventually, after going to school and getting a masters degree I took up meditation again but with a good teacher with a gift of making you face reality with painful realism.
AIM
This 'demonic voice' you speak of sounds like what happens spontaneously one represses aspects of the personality or natural tendency.
Your subconscious rejecting what is screwing you over.
Apparently quite violently.
yep - violent in a good way.
In the late eighties something snapped inside of me. One night after a peculiarly deep meditation something happened this evil voice erupted out of me and forced me to speak blasphemies to Jesus and The Virgin Mary. I had no control over this voice inside me. It felt like I was being possessed. After that I stopped praying, saying the rosary, I gave up yoga, fasting and meditation, not because I was against those things , i put those activities a side out of fear. I didn't want the voice to come back. It didn't but I was never the same again.
All the repressed anger, lust, rage, anger at being disabled and memories of abuse could not be imprisoned any longer. They burst out demanding the attention they deserved. At last the demon was free and I could learn to feel again.
Eventually, after going to school and getting a masters degree I took up meditation again but with a good teacher with a gift of making you face reality with painful realism.
AIM
This 'demonic voice' you speak of sounds like what happens spontaneously one represses aspects of the personality or natural tendency.
Your subconscious rejecting what is screwing you over.
Apparently quite violently.
yep - violent in a good way.