Snazzy PJ's
I forget sometimes how difficult and how painful it wasgrowing up disabled. The emotional scars are healed but the social skills i should have developed are still missing. I went to a diner today, one I usually avoid because for some reason it encourages people to talk to each other. Its a very intimate tiny cafe. I usually avoid it because It makes me nervous. Three women talked to me and i became so nervous I was shaking. I just can't be myself when a woman talks to me. I have to discipline myself to just look into the woman's eyes instead of immaturely keep looking down at their breasts or legs. My conversation skills are pretty pathetic, for instance:
I kept looking at this woman standing on line. Eventually she sees me looking at her and she says,
"I thought I recognized you from somewhere, how are you - I see you found a better place to drink coffee."
Suddenly I realize she works at another coffee shop I go to. I just stare at her for about three seconds not knowing what to say, then say, "Um, no i just like variety in my coffee drinking."
She says, " yea I like variety too."
At this point I look back down at my book. Then I realize how rude this is, to just ignore someone in order to avoid the mounting anxiety. I force myself to look back up at her. I recover the conversation and say, "The best coffee is the coffee I make at home."
She picks up the convo very quickly and says, " yea me too, I love making coffee at home, because you can relax and just stay in your pjs. I guess you could go into a coffee shop in your pj's but it would be a bit embarrassing haha"
I say, "well (long pause) some PJ's are pretty snazzy these days, but yea your right it is nice to stay at home and be relaxed"
she says "yea".
The conversation ended somehow. I don't rememeber how. I kept ,say something more, ask her to sit with you, do something. I did nothing, and said nothing else and cursed myself for being so incompetent.
I kept looking at this woman standing on line. Eventually she sees me looking at her and she says,
"I thought I recognized you from somewhere, how are you - I see you found a better place to drink coffee."
Suddenly I realize she works at another coffee shop I go to. I just stare at her for about three seconds not knowing what to say, then say, "Um, no i just like variety in my coffee drinking."
She says, " yea I like variety too."
At this point I look back down at my book. Then I realize how rude this is, to just ignore someone in order to avoid the mounting anxiety. I force myself to look back up at her. I recover the conversation and say, "The best coffee is the coffee I make at home."
She picks up the convo very quickly and says, " yea me too, I love making coffee at home, because you can relax and just stay in your pjs. I guess you could go into a coffee shop in your pj's but it would be a bit embarrassing haha"
I say, "well (long pause) some PJ's are pretty snazzy these days, but yea your right it is nice to stay at home and be relaxed"
she says "yea".
The conversation ended somehow. I don't rememeber how. I kept ,say something more, ask her to sit with you, do something. I did nothing, and said nothing else and cursed myself for being so incompetent.