So This Is The Truth...

[_shox_]

For more than two weeks I have been dreaming of my parents. To dream of them is not uncommon, but everynight and these dreams... they are of battles and I wake with a sense of urgency to help them. I've talked to Dev about it and I get the feeling he can sense my parents and they are indeed together.

Comments

[pierce_h]

His mother and I step out of the shadow and Shox moves to his mother and she holds him as I wrap my arms around them both. "I'm sorry son, I had not anticipated this reaction from him."

We move to the living room and his mother does what she always could with him, calms him and makes him smile. He asks numerous questions and we answer them honestly. We need him to help us because he is quite powerful and we have lost a few of our brothers recently. Is the job dangerous? Yes. Would I die protecting him, of course.

We talk to him in great length about what we guard, the battles we have been in recently, and why we had to leave him. He was too young to join us and until he fathered a child he was not powerful enough. Now with the forming of the Order however, we do not need to hide, we have a much better understanding of so many things - he would not have to leave his family.

His mother takes his hands and tells him, "You do not have to do this Shoxwaken. We will always love you and we will be in your life as long as you want us. I was hoping to get to know Devon, he loves you so much."

[d3v0n_w]

I drive and drive and I'm so scared. I pull over and throw up but that acidy burning sits there eating at my insides. Something is so wrong with this.

I sit there on the side of the road with my feet out of the car and bury my face in my hands and cry with the smell of my own puke wafting up making me nauseous again. The more I think on things the worse I become.

I felt them on the other side, when we were at whitepod I found the connection, that's where they were, on the other side, not here with us. I've not once felt they were here, not once. Who has been lying to who, were they or weren't they and why would the archangels deceive me like that. It calls into question every person I have seen from the other side. Was any of it real or just lies and because of those lies have I unknowingly deceived others.

I feel like I am falling apart. Things I thought sure of in my world aren't. My hands shake and I feel ill and alone and afraid.

After a bit I get back into the car and I find myself just sitting there at first then by rote I find myself driving back home.

[_shox_]

After some time they leave promising to be back tomorrow. I feel so happy yet so empty. Devon should be here with me getting to know them, sharing in my happiness. Why is he acting this way?

I check on Strider and kiss his cheek before sitting out on the balcony of our room and smoke. I want to be apart of what my family does, I want to make a difference. I want my Jane to support me in whatever I do, and mean it.

Sighing I think about everything they told me - then I think about Dev and Strider. I know Devon is upset and worried. Running my hand through my hair I wonder where he is but then I see the headlights to his car.

Smiling I stand up and make my way to meet him at the front door.

[d3v0n_w]

I pull up in the drive and turn off the engine. That ill feeling hasn't left me and every part of me feels on edge. As I glance at myself in the rear view mirror I see I look as bad as I feel. I reach up and try to sort my hair out but then give up.

I get out of the car, lock it up and head on in. Even that seems to take every ounce of energy I have. I notice a shadow in the light and it makes me jump a little. I stop and look up to see Shox at the door waiting for me.

I attempt a smile. "Sorry I took so long."

[_shox_]

He looks ill! "Babe, what's wrong?"

I touch his head and he feels warm, he never gets a fever. I put my arm around him, "Come in, let's get you some tea."

He protest but he seems so weak. I help him to the sofa and decide on brandy. I pour him a small shot and sit next to him, "Here sip this, look at me."

His eyes are bloodshot and his hair is all wonky, "You got sick didn't you? Oh babe, I'm sorry."

[d3v0n_w]

I sip the brandy and swirl it around in my mouth to help get rid of that dry manky taste left after being sick.

I look up at him and see the love and concern in his eyes and it brings fresh tears to mine. "I'm sorry Shox. I didn't want to ruin you happiness. I got so messed up inside." The tears flow over and I grip the glass tight in my lap. "I felt scared and alone and I got sick and I don't know what's wrong with me."

[_shox_]

I take the glass from his hand and set it on the table then take his beautiful face in my hands. "I'm here for you babe, I will always be here for you. I love you, we will always be together. I'm sorry I yelled at you and," I softly touch his neck, "oh babe forgive me."

[d3v0n_w]

I nod and shift laying against him wiping at my eyes, sniffling and curling my arm around him. "I know you didn't mean it."

I feel a little less sick in the stomach but so exhausted and lethargic. I close my eyes. "I'm sorry for hurting you."

[_shox_]

I lean back and hold him, his head resting on my chest. Placing a kiss on his head I stroke his hair, "I'm sorry for hurting you too Jane. It's gonna be ok, I promise. I talked to mom and dad, they want to be a part of our lives no matter what I decide. They are gone alt, but when they can they will visit."

[d3v0n_w]

At the mention of his dad my stomach clenches in an anxious knot. I don't know what is going on with that. I've never felt so uneasy around someone but the instant I saw him I was. I feel like I need to keep him as far away from Shox as possible or something terrible is going to happen.

I don't want to say something that hurts or upsets him again. We have never fought like that ever and I fear more of the same. "That's good."