The Check Up

[__marcus__]

At the studio today Rhys told us about his plans to marry Dan. I'm happy for him, I am. He has changed for the better since being with Dan, and Dan is actually pretty cool. But I can’t help but worry about Elijah.

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[elijah__j__wood]

I laugh as I drag myself up off the sofa and away from him. I feel the loss of the contact as I move further away and it does seem like such a long way to the small table which it really isn't.

I squat down and stare at the papers. The vodka bottle is sitting next to it and I grab that to take a big swig then put it down as the alcohol burns down my throat. I grab the little sticky tab that the lawyer has placed on the pages I have to sign and flip straight to them.

The whole time I have had these papers I have not looked at these pages and now Rhys' signature stares up at me and my heart drops, it drops hard, and it hurts. I can imagine his fingers moving as he held the pen and I wonder what he was thinking as he did it.

I pick up the pen and it trembles in my hand as I hover it over the page for a few seconds before finally dropping it down till the tip touches the paper and I barely even feel my hand moving as I sign.

I stare down at the finished product. It's officially over. That's when the sadness hits me and silent tears start to fall as I reach for the vodka again.

[__marcus__]

I kneel behind him and wrap my arms around him, "It's gonna be ok Elijah, I promise. I know it hurts," I place a chaste kiss on his head, "I'm sorry baby."

My heart hurts for him. I know that empty gut wrenching feeling, but to have to sign it away, to sign your love and heart away... I don't know if I could have done it.

[elijah__j__wood]

I turn into him more, curling my arms up in front of me over my aching heart with my face pressed into his chest listening to his heart beat loud and strong as his arms hold tight around me. I let the tears fall silently as the pain seems to want to cave my insides in.

Between all of that I try to speak. It's hard because every time I open my mouth a sob threatens but with a few deep breaths I manage to be able to speak. "Can you stay? I don't want to be alone."

[__marcus__]

I stroke his hair, "Of course I will, I won't leave."

Pulling him closer to me I hold him tight, "Go ahead Elijah, let it out. Cry, get it out, don't hold it in. Let it go, let him go."

I tried to be macho when Josh left; when I heard he had married I drank and fucked my way through town; I never let it go... it took too damn long to let him go. I want more for Elijah - I want him to heal.

[elijah__j__wood]

It's like his words serve both as a catalyst as well as give me permission to let it all come out. I know he won't let me go. That he will hold me and keep me safe through it all because he has been here and he knows how hard it is and I trust in that.

All my pain, grief, sadness, betrayal, longing and love, everything I had glossed over with the fun times with Cillian, everything I've been hiding from and holding back, all of it comes out in great wracking sobs as my legs seem to crumple under the weight of it all as I seem to fold in on myself and I feel his arms go tighter still to support me.

[__marcus__]

We end up against the sofa, me holding him almost in my lap, holding him tight. Nothing I say will make it better I know that, but letting him know I am here, I hope, helps him do this.

I rock us gently as he lets it all go. Stroking his hair, every so often kissing his head, wiping a few tears away knowing more will follow, saying his name softly, telling him I'm here and I won't let him hurt anymore.

For how long I don't know, I don't care, but he eventually does start to slow down and I feel his body go a bit heavy in my arms. He sniffles a few times and I caress his face, "What can do? We still have the joint, vodka... anything you need."

[elijah__j__wood]

I lay against him feeling so empty and worn out. Like I have been steamrolled and it backed over me a few times to make sure it got the job done right.

Getting completely out of it sounds like it would be fantastic but I don't even feel I have the energy for that right now. I bring my hand up and curl it around his fingers on my face as I look up at him. "I just want to go to bed." With that I start to move. It seems like it takes me ages to even sit up let alone get to my feet and uses all the energy I have.

I hold my hand out to him. "You coming?"

[__marcus__]

I take his hand and stand up, then bend down and take him in my arms and carry him to bed. He lays his head against my shoulder and tells me where his room is. Gently I lay him down then slip off my shirt and pants and lay next to him.

I pull him to me and he lays his head on my chest, his hand on my chest. I hold him tight and whisper, "Let the sleep take you, I'll be right here when you wake."

[elijah__j__wood]

I lay against him feeling his presence solid and comforting as I listen to his heart beat and almost instantly I feel my eyelids get heavier. I turn my lips to his skin and give him a gentle kiss on his chest and slur out exhausted. "Thanks Marcus." Then I let my eyes close and welcome the sleep.