(no subject)
Tired. Very Tired
Yes, that deserved to be capitalized.
I can't sleep (yet again), and I feel like there's never any progress at all--I still feel as far as ever from acomplishing anything in my life.
Really, if I had someone with me, someone to care for me and care for, I could at least relax a little. Unfortunately, the only times anyone is ever attracted to me is when they are more than twice my age, in high school, or unavailable.
And the only girl I've ever found to be truly perfect for me is--naturally--already claimed, and I never stood a chance. Still doesn't stop me from deluding myself occasionally (in my dreams, whenever I do manage sleep), which only makes it hurt that much more when I return to reality.
Reality bites.
Anywho, I'm still alive (mostly), and I'm forcing my way onward, no matter what happens; because, at this point, I don't know what else to do. I just wish that someone would give me some genuine affection: a long hug and cuddle, a nice time talking, and some reassurance that I'm not worthless, or ugly, etc. Hell, I could do with just that last part. I mean, it's nice when I have company over and we all kitten pile, but I need reassurance. I need comfort. I need someone I care about to show me some tenderness, and coddle me a little. Or, just to tell me, out of the blue how much I mean to them.
Of course, that would only work if they cared back. XD
Still, all joking aside.....I crave it.....I need it. I truly do, right now. I'm losing touch with life. I keep slipping away from humanity. I've lost my dreams, and honestly, I can't even really remember any concretes about my own appearance when I'm not looking in a reflection. I just need a bit of reinforcement on my anchors, I guess you could say, whoever it is that actually reads this. If anyone still does.
Better yet: I'll give something special to anyone who does read this, and empathizes. If you help me, if you show me that you care (even if I know you do, I just need to be shown it right now. I need spontaneous reinforcement to drive away my fears and assert your feelings of friendship and love), I'll do something for you--any one favor; anything that is in my power to give or do, and I will do it. Ok?
Maybe if this actually works, I can do some more writing, and have something to post here other than angst. XD
Yes, that deserved to be capitalized.
I can't sleep (yet again), and I feel like there's never any progress at all--I still feel as far as ever from acomplishing anything in my life.
Really, if I had someone with me, someone to care for me and care for, I could at least relax a little. Unfortunately, the only times anyone is ever attracted to me is when they are more than twice my age, in high school, or unavailable.
And the only girl I've ever found to be truly perfect for me is--naturally--already claimed, and I never stood a chance. Still doesn't stop me from deluding myself occasionally (in my dreams, whenever I do manage sleep), which only makes it hurt that much more when I return to reality.
Reality bites.
Anywho, I'm still alive (mostly), and I'm forcing my way onward, no matter what happens; because, at this point, I don't know what else to do. I just wish that someone would give me some genuine affection: a long hug and cuddle, a nice time talking, and some reassurance that I'm not worthless, or ugly, etc. Hell, I could do with just that last part. I mean, it's nice when I have company over and we all kitten pile, but I need reassurance. I need comfort. I need someone I care about to show me some tenderness, and coddle me a little. Or, just to tell me, out of the blue how much I mean to them.
Of course, that would only work if they cared back. XD
Still, all joking aside.....I crave it.....I need it. I truly do, right now. I'm losing touch with life. I keep slipping away from humanity. I've lost my dreams, and honestly, I can't even really remember any concretes about my own appearance when I'm not looking in a reflection. I just need a bit of reinforcement on my anchors, I guess you could say, whoever it is that actually reads this. If anyone still does.
Better yet: I'll give something special to anyone who does read this, and empathizes. If you help me, if you show me that you care (even if I know you do, I just need to be shown it right now. I need spontaneous reinforcement to drive away my fears and assert your feelings of friendship and love), I'll do something for you--any one favor; anything that is in my power to give or do, and I will do it. Ok?
Maybe if this actually works, I can do some more writing, and have something to post here other than angst. XD