Me
Haven't actually slept in days. The woman lying next to me drifting further away. I am no longer in control of my life. I have passed priority to fate.
That's the nutshell version.
I have developed a bad case of insomnia. My brain will not shut off. I don't know where anything starts or ends. The woman that i'm seeing is drifting further from me. There is many reasons. But that's my deal. I just wish.......I no longer give a rats fucking ass about the pleasures of the flesh. All that hype about getting the hot chick, seeing how many women i can conquer....lol i was never really into that. All i fucking want is someone to love......gah!!! I want that "I'm alive" feeling again. It comes time to time....but i want it to stay.....just for a prolonged period of time. But then again....don't we all?
And nobody fucking believes in themselves anymore....hell i don't even believe in me....but i make the effort. If i was gonna give up, everyone knows i would have done that long ago. But I have met soooo many people that have touched and changed and left their mark on my life. And i would go and thank each one of them personally, but the fact of the matter is....if you are reading this...you are one of them....and thank you.
There is so much i want to say...not in livejournal....but in real life to some people....but i can't. You never get what you want folks. That's the grim truth. BUT!!!! But, everything does have a reason, if you got what you wanted, you wouldn't feel good about working for something. As lame as that sounds i feel comfort in that.
With a good hunk of my newfound life falling around me, I'm still fucking standing!
It hurts....it really hurts, when I could be infitily happy......but i know, that there's a 99% possiblity that it will never happen. I can't even think of trying. Because....i refuse to be selfish and take what i want......or what i need.
Hope that made sense to you folks.
lol i can't even say what i want to say.....but there's the jist.
I'm fine....I just need to rant useless babble.
That's the nutshell version.
I have developed a bad case of insomnia. My brain will not shut off. I don't know where anything starts or ends. The woman that i'm seeing is drifting further from me. There is many reasons. But that's my deal. I just wish.......I no longer give a rats fucking ass about the pleasures of the flesh. All that hype about getting the hot chick, seeing how many women i can conquer....lol i was never really into that. All i fucking want is someone to love......gah!!! I want that "I'm alive" feeling again. It comes time to time....but i want it to stay.....just for a prolonged period of time. But then again....don't we all?
And nobody fucking believes in themselves anymore....hell i don't even believe in me....but i make the effort. If i was gonna give up, everyone knows i would have done that long ago. But I have met soooo many people that have touched and changed and left their mark on my life. And i would go and thank each one of them personally, but the fact of the matter is....if you are reading this...you are one of them....and thank you.
There is so much i want to say...not in livejournal....but in real life to some people....but i can't. You never get what you want folks. That's the grim truth. BUT!!!! But, everything does have a reason, if you got what you wanted, you wouldn't feel good about working for something. As lame as that sounds i feel comfort in that.
With a good hunk of my newfound life falling around me, I'm still fucking standing!
It hurts....it really hurts, when I could be infitily happy......but i know, that there's a 99% possiblity that it will never happen. I can't even think of trying. Because....i refuse to be selfish and take what i want......or what i need.
Hope that made sense to you folks.
lol i can't even say what i want to say.....but there's the jist.
I'm fine....I just need to rant useless babble.