A condensed version of very recent events
Dear Arms,
It has been ages. I realize.
Josh came to visit a week ago, and stayed for three days. I had a wonderful time, and I am going insane about when I will see him again, which won't be until June. I haven't seen the kid since graduation 2 years ago, and we've been talking alot. We're basically seeing eachother with the tecnicality of a whole lot of space between us, and thus, I call him "my person."
I was incrediably apprehensive at first becuase over the past 2 mounths or so that we've really been talking, alot of things have been cleared up about him that made him instead a relatively decent person with good intentions, which is never something I expect anymore. I feel like it's James and I's relationship but in reverse at times. And..sane. I was terrified of us being involved in any way for a long time becuase I didn't want that to happen again. BUt he's made the effort to get on a plane and see me, which is something that James never did.
He's going to try and move her by Spring, I assume he means by next year since it's spring...now.
And while i look foward to having him around, I want him to move for the right reasons. He's told me that he wants to move so that we can be together. Okay. He also says he wants to move so that he has a chance to grow up, and he feels he's done all of that that he can in Hawaii, which is all well and good. But I'm just too afraid that he'll be focusing on us more than anything, becuase it's not fair that he sacrafice everything he enjoys to come here, even though he's said he loves this city. I keep reminding him that we have to make ourselves happy as individuals before we become happy as a couple, and he seems to be willing to wait hand and foot as long as what I will end up doing as far as living and jobs after graduation. Which is good to know that he's serious, but he has to have somethng of his own. And as much as I want this to turn out well and to work, I do love him. But as grown up as I have become I'm not grown up enough to completly settle down.
Hopefully he will get his degree there and move when he is finished, I will keep up his ass to do so. And I'll help him find his own place, bc I have found that while I loved having him around, I need space. I need time to myself to breath.
We had fucking awesome pizza, went to this qtr's graduation ceremony since alot of my friends that go thier pre-reqs out of the way graduated this quarter. We shopped. He got this massive cool tattoo of a dragon on his bicep and when he went in I got the one on the back sholder that I got when Rachel was here touched up. I always felt that it had come out too light, but now all is well. We had great talks together about alot of big stuff, which I don't nessisarliy want to relate here haha. We went to the market, and went clothes shopping which I never do. We didnt really do anything special, but being around him was very nice.
He called me tonight however, and informed him that basically a group of guys...beat him up for no reason while he was going for a run. I guess he was stopping outside the Rec center in Kapolei were i used to live to get some water, and a group of guys who were loitering aroudn there started hastleing him for no reason, ran after him and beat him up. He got to the doctor thankfully and filed a police report, but he has to go back in the morning for X-Rays. Jesus Christ.
And not that this seems to relate at all, but I keep seeing Ryan everywere, which is very...unsettling. It's not that he's stalking me in any way, becuase he's far too unmotivated for anything like that. But he's been talking to me online out of the blue, just when I think I've finally gotten him out of my mind, and today when I was going to my friend's apartment building he was convienetnly wating outside for someone with a 6 pack. Lovley. And I found that he's seeing someone, which shouldn't bother me but does. I'm sure eventually they'll see that he's a lazy ball-less little boy despite his outwardly lovely appreance.
Also, I am on spring break now, I've taken the whole week off from both internship and work so that i can relax and do whatever the fuck I want before I go back to school. I also found that I got straight B's this quarter for my final grades, and am relishing in how overall awesome I am to have pulled that off despite my assloads of stress of having school, work, and internship, equalling in no days off ever.
If anyone would like to hear my multi track, let me know, and I will upload it.
Love,
Me
It has been ages. I realize.
Josh came to visit a week ago, and stayed for three days. I had a wonderful time, and I am going insane about when I will see him again, which won't be until June. I haven't seen the kid since graduation 2 years ago, and we've been talking alot. We're basically seeing eachother with the tecnicality of a whole lot of space between us, and thus, I call him "my person."
I was incrediably apprehensive at first becuase over the past 2 mounths or so that we've really been talking, alot of things have been cleared up about him that made him instead a relatively decent person with good intentions, which is never something I expect anymore. I feel like it's James and I's relationship but in reverse at times. And..sane. I was terrified of us being involved in any way for a long time becuase I didn't want that to happen again. BUt he's made the effort to get on a plane and see me, which is something that James never did.
He's going to try and move her by Spring, I assume he means by next year since it's spring...now.
And while i look foward to having him around, I want him to move for the right reasons. He's told me that he wants to move so that we can be together. Okay. He also says he wants to move so that he has a chance to grow up, and he feels he's done all of that that he can in Hawaii, which is all well and good. But I'm just too afraid that he'll be focusing on us more than anything, becuase it's not fair that he sacrafice everything he enjoys to come here, even though he's said he loves this city. I keep reminding him that we have to make ourselves happy as individuals before we become happy as a couple, and he seems to be willing to wait hand and foot as long as what I will end up doing as far as living and jobs after graduation. Which is good to know that he's serious, but he has to have somethng of his own. And as much as I want this to turn out well and to work, I do love him. But as grown up as I have become I'm not grown up enough to completly settle down.
Hopefully he will get his degree there and move when he is finished, I will keep up his ass to do so. And I'll help him find his own place, bc I have found that while I loved having him around, I need space. I need time to myself to breath.
We had fucking awesome pizza, went to this qtr's graduation ceremony since alot of my friends that go thier pre-reqs out of the way graduated this quarter. We shopped. He got this massive cool tattoo of a dragon on his bicep and when he went in I got the one on the back sholder that I got when Rachel was here touched up. I always felt that it had come out too light, but now all is well. We had great talks together about alot of big stuff, which I don't nessisarliy want to relate here haha. We went to the market, and went clothes shopping which I never do. We didnt really do anything special, but being around him was very nice.
He called me tonight however, and informed him that basically a group of guys...beat him up for no reason while he was going for a run. I guess he was stopping outside the Rec center in Kapolei were i used to live to get some water, and a group of guys who were loitering aroudn there started hastleing him for no reason, ran after him and beat him up. He got to the doctor thankfully and filed a police report, but he has to go back in the morning for X-Rays. Jesus Christ.
And not that this seems to relate at all, but I keep seeing Ryan everywere, which is very...unsettling. It's not that he's stalking me in any way, becuase he's far too unmotivated for anything like that. But he's been talking to me online out of the blue, just when I think I've finally gotten him out of my mind, and today when I was going to my friend's apartment building he was convienetnly wating outside for someone with a 6 pack. Lovley. And I found that he's seeing someone, which shouldn't bother me but does. I'm sure eventually they'll see that he's a lazy ball-less little boy despite his outwardly lovely appreance.
Also, I am on spring break now, I've taken the whole week off from both internship and work so that i can relax and do whatever the fuck I want before I go back to school. I also found that I got straight B's this quarter for my final grades, and am relishing in how overall awesome I am to have pulled that off despite my assloads of stress of having school, work, and internship, equalling in no days off ever.
If anyone would like to hear my multi track, let me know, and I will upload it.
Love,
Me