figures
Why is it that when I'm actually sleepy before midnight and I try to go to sleep I am suddenly full of energy and thoughts as soon as I put my head on the pillow. It's probably just stress. It really feels like it's way too soon in the semester for me to be stressed out, but there's this looming dread.
Why is it now of all times that I realize that I really do need to impress my teachers and that the grade *is* important. For a long time I deluded myself into thinking that because it's all about the portfolio that the actual school grade doesn't mean a goddamn thing (and it doesn't, one of my teachers pointed it out again just recently). But it really does. For references and for metering myself against my peers. It really really does.
It's horrific that you can't make lasting friendships in what I do because at the end of the road you're competing against one another. Of course there are exceptions, but that only seems to be when you've been in the same classes like 2 or 3 times. Aside from that it's a constant struggle to prove your worth to your peers. Like some colossal pissing contest.
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Moving on... I totally dropped Business Law. And THANK GOD. I dunno what I was thinking. I took the first class and was like: "Holy shit this is boring as hell." I think I wanted to believe that the class would be really helpful, and it probably would be. But a brand new teacher that expects me to have a law background... no thanks.
Instead, I'm taking History of Aesthetics with one of my favorite teachers. John Dobson wins cool teacher award.
The other classes are cool too but when I have something to show for it, I'll post about them.
Hope all is well with everyone.
P.S. I joined an organization today. I feel extra special.
Why is it now of all times that I realize that I really do need to impress my teachers and that the grade *is* important. For a long time I deluded myself into thinking that because it's all about the portfolio that the actual school grade doesn't mean a goddamn thing (and it doesn't, one of my teachers pointed it out again just recently). But it really does. For references and for metering myself against my peers. It really really does.
It's horrific that you can't make lasting friendships in what I do because at the end of the road you're competing against one another. Of course there are exceptions, but that only seems to be when you've been in the same classes like 2 or 3 times. Aside from that it's a constant struggle to prove your worth to your peers. Like some colossal pissing contest.
---
Moving on... I totally dropped Business Law. And THANK GOD. I dunno what I was thinking. I took the first class and was like: "Holy shit this is boring as hell." I think I wanted to believe that the class would be really helpful, and it probably would be. But a brand new teacher that expects me to have a law background... no thanks.
Instead, I'm taking History of Aesthetics with one of my favorite teachers. John Dobson wins cool teacher award.
The other classes are cool too but when I have something to show for it, I'll post about them.
Hope all is well with everyone.
P.S. I joined an organization today. I feel extra special.