(no subject)
I'm finishing up my year in Pittsburgh fairly soon. Work is still exhausting and infuriating, but I've found a good measure of success. Knowing that I'm leaving soon makes it easier to burn out and enjoy it. I'm going to CUNY - Baruch College for a Masters in Public Administration. My parents found me a cheap place in the Bronx through some family friend. The current plan after I finish school is to intern in NYC, then work as a congressional staffer for a while (or anything in legislative analysis that I can find in DC), then peace corps.
I don't feel guilty about Yuliya. I feel guilty about getting paid more than my coworkers, so I spend the extra money on food and supplies for the crew. I feel guilty about not calling my grandmother enough, so when I do call her I apologize and stay on the phone for a couple of hours. This situation is past something I can feel guilty, or angry or sad about. I just feel numb. It permeates everything I do, every single day. Letting go means watching a part of yourself slowly die. I honestly don't know if it'll actually get better. In case it does, I keep on truckin'.
I don't feel guilty about Yuliya. I feel guilty about getting paid more than my coworkers, so I spend the extra money on food and supplies for the crew. I feel guilty about not calling my grandmother enough, so when I do call her I apologize and stay on the phone for a couple of hours. This situation is past something I can feel guilty, or angry or sad about. I just feel numb. It permeates everything I do, every single day. Letting go means watching a part of yourself slowly die. I honestly don't know if it'll actually get better. In case it does, I keep on truckin'.