Finally done
Well I finally finished my Creative Writing final project, a long 11 page story (double spaced herpderp). I put it up here for some criticism but I realized that this is due tomorrow so I am not gonna get any constructive criticism anytime soon (and no one will read this anyway herpderp) so whatevers I hope you enjoy it. It's not a happy story and for the most part it really sucks. I hope I can get this portfolio together in time tomorrow so I can actually pass this course.
The last thing Craig could remember was the breakneck rush of water on his face. He felt like he was a torpedo as he shot deeper and deeper into the water. That was all that went through his mind before his neck snapped back in the rush and he grew limp.
Suddenly Craig woke to the harsh sound of wood cracking under pressure and looked around him quickly. He saw that he was in a court room, himself sitting in the defendants chair, next to which was another table. At this table, the prosecutor's desk he presumed a man was frantically writing down on a piece of paper. Craig thought this man very peculiar as he eyed him, his head billowed with golden hair and his skin was unnaturally pristine. It was white as snow, but still held the flush color of health and vigor. He was dressed in a fine suit that Craig assumed cost the man could a bit. He had with him a large briefcase and a bottle of clear water sat in front of his bent and labored head. As Craig continued his glances about the room he noticed that this court room had no windows, and the entirety of it was painted a stark white. The door was shut, leaving the room to be illuminated by the harsh florescent lights in the ceiling. The jury bench was empty, and the entire court room was in a quiet still, only being disturbed by the incessant scribblings of the strange prosecutor. The sound rang again and Craig finally moved to look at the source of this harsh, cracking noise. He looked up to the judges podium, where the sound could be traced to the sound of the gavel bringing the court to order.
“Mr. Haverson, are you ready to begin?” The judge's voice echoed throughout the room.
Craig just looks confused towards the man addressing him. He too had thick golden hair and clear skin. Craig couldn't help thing this was the youngest and most beautiful judge he had ever seen, not that he had been in the position to see many in his lifetime. The judge was wearing the traditional dress however the black was replaced with a bright and shining sliver that contrasted with the dark oaken color of the judge's podium. His eyes were a fiery hazel and his gaze shook Craig deep to his core. The weight of the situation was finally start to sink into the dazed man. He began to ask questions in his mind about where he was and why he was here in the first place. His memory was muddled and he couldn't recall how or when he got to this strange and confusing courtroom.
“Craig Haverson!” The judge boomed.
“Yes sir...?” Craig answered back, still trying to sort out the questions in his head.
“Are you ready to begin your trial?” The judge replied.
“Well sir, my memory is failing me, how exactly did I get here?” Craig said.
“That is normal, I will explain after we have started, so are you ready to begin?” The judge sighed.
“I just don't know what I am on trial for and simply want to hear the charges brought against me. I have a right to face my accuser! And the right for a fair and speedy trial, something that I don't feel will be accurately given to me when I don't even have a lawyer with me, nor knowledge of my crimes!” Craig exclaimed in desperation.
“Listen, this isn't Kansas anymore lad. You have no rights here and you will be defending yourself. So shut up and let us get going so your “speedy” trial may end quickly. The Judge and I have many things we need to get done and you aren't exactly helping us out.” The prosecution said, breaking his pen's stride in annoyance.
“What is going on here?” Craig exclaimed, looking quickly from the judge to the prosecution. “I can't defend myself, I have watched enough Law and Order to know how hard that is! And what do you mean you two have a lot to do? How can I have a fair trial if the judge and my accuser are in cahoots with each other?”
“Calm down Craig,” The judge said. “No lawyer could defend yourself from these charges better than you yourself. In the case of your death-”
“Death!” Craig screams. “I died?”
“What did expect would happen to you when you jumped off a hundred foot cliff?” the prosecution replied dryly.
It suddenly came back to Craig, the wind,the fall, the rush of water, his neck snapping on the waves. He was confused and didn't know what to think. At the time he was sure his decision was the right one, never looking back as he drove his way out to the cliffs to jump. However, now standing in this courtroom, he was having trouble finding that conviction again.
“Anyway,” the judge continued. “We will both prosecute you in order to find the truth of the matter. However, while I may be swayed by your conviction and evidence, Michael here will try his utmost to make sure you aren't cleared of the charges. This is how the trial will proceed and don't worry, until I am one hundred percent sure on my verdict, you won't be convicted.”
Craig just sat there in contemplation. He searched for his reasons behind his suicide. He couldn't remember what had compelled him to take his life nor what would be possible to make him do so. The sound of the gavel's thunder made him snap back to the matters at hand.
“Alright Craig Haverson, are you prepared to start your suicide trial?” The judge asked.
“I don't suppose I have anything else to do now...” Craig trailed off as he looked up at the judge. “We can start, doesn't seem like I have anywhere to be.”
“Alright then this trial will come to order,” The judge said while he banged his gavel in quick succession. “I, Metatron will be presiding over this court case. Craig Haverson for the defendant and Michael for prosecution. The charge is suicide in the first degree-”
“Umm excuse me judge,” Craig squeaked. “But how can their be different degrees of suicide?”
“Just as there are multiple degrees of murder there are multiple degrees of suicide here,” Metatron replied. “Suicide within reason is punished less severely. For example, a patient encouraging euthanasia to end his or her suffering is treated with far less punishment and is considered suicide three. Suicide two is one who suffers mentally and is driven to suicide. Their inability to help their disease properly is treated with more severity. However suicide one is for those who are particularly heinous. Yours is an example of this, as we can see no reason for you to kill yourself and will prosecute you as a case of extreme negligence of God's gift of life.”
“Will I be sent to the forest of suicides and squanders then?” Craig asked.
“We've evolved quite a bit since the time of Dante,” Michael replied sardonically. “Now we simply make you relive your suicide endlessly or we leave you in a room of those who died early in their life, while you explain to them why you gave up your life for death.”
“Lovely,” Craig replied with a cold sweat running down his cheek. “How am I supposed to defend myself from these allegations?”
“Well,” Metatron began. “Michael will present evidence to the wealth and richness of your life and how blessed your life had been, and you as the defendant must explain to us how these situations prompted the end of your life.”
Michael took the pause after Metatron's explanation as a signal to begin the trial. He then stood up and started to pace around the dank courtroom, looking down pensively at the cold tile floor. Michael then suddenly looked up, and walked over to his desk where he picked up a small group of papers and shuffled them about before clearing his throat.
“Now that the trial is under way may I present Heaven's evidence number one; your college years,” Michael began. “Here we have the record of a prosperous four years. You received a excellent computer science degree with an outstanding 3.5 GPA. You developed relationships with many different people which fostered friendships that you kept till late in your late life. You managed to secure a job quickly after college with the help of these friends, and while you gave in to the vices of alcohol and sloth during these years but managed to develop into a fine young man.”
Michael took a break to breath as he looked callously over to Craig who looked shocked at the level of detail and dedication that each fact was given. He was awestruck by the reach and scope of the heavenly figures before him. Describing himself as a lapsed Catholic as best and an agnostic scientist at worse, he was convinced this scene was pure fantasy. However the reach of the world beyond seemed clear to him now as Michael continued to list off the many different aspects of his college years.
“You were the president of the school's computer club. You went to all the different school functions and enjoyed all life had to offer. Truly a good member of God's kingdom.”
“I didn't attend church or even get my communion and you are saying I am a good Catholic?” Craig asked.
“God's words are heard among all his children, confirming them through members of church and sacramental duties is merely for those dedicated to their faith as a means of self inspiration. You did God's good intentions without the reaffirmation of your faith, that doesn't mean you didn't act like a good Christian.” Metatron explained to Craig.
“The normal and good years at Craig's college show, judge,” Michael began to raise his voice. “That he was given the best of God's gifts and was lucky to receive the opportunities that he did. Surely this does not foster the need to end one's life prematurely!”
As the prosecution's fervor increased so did Craig's worries and anxieties about the way his trial was going. He was unsure how he could probably defend himself from these accusations when he, himself was confused by his frame of mind during the suicide. He focused however, and during the silence of the change in speakers he managed to remember the college days he never wanted to return to.
“Ah yes, college,” Craig began, swelled with confidence in his arguments. “During college I was definitely given every opportunity for happiness and enjoyment but nothing really happened. I went there and receive a degree but did I really enjoy it? I spent most of it in a drunken stupor. I passed from one class to another with ease and received no challenge. I was uninspired in my high school years and slid by unnoticed. When I got to college I did the same thing, this time using beer and buffoonery to mask my unhappiness. You see Judge, I enjoyed learning. The problem was I never really learned at college, to me it was just like high school without any interesting activities.
“Wait a minute,” Metatron interjected. “The prosecution just put forth that you enjoyed the computer club and even became its President. How is that an uninteresting activity for you?”
“Well Judge, I simple did that to keep myself busy.” Craig explained. “I never enjoyed that club, everyone simply stirred up emotions and rarely cared about doing serious work. Those people were all my 'friends' but I never truly enjoyed their company.”
“Human companionship is good no matter to what degree. Those friends gave you job opportunities that you cashed in on to get a good steady job after school.” Michael argued. He whipped out another paper and skimmed it quickly. “In fact, they cared for you and helped you out when your mother suddenly died after a long battle with cancer.”
“Bringing that up is bad enough,” Craig trailed off. “But they didn't help during her death. They merely apologized and tried to empathize with me before they continued with their activities of drinking and partying. They didn't know what I went through they just tried to know to fulfill their social contract.
Metatron paused a moment. He looked at Craig carefully and waved a hand to silence Michael before he jumped in to counter his arguments. Metatron sat their a while, looking over his own notes while slowly examining the defendant and his body movements. Craig felt pressured by his gaze and started shifting his weight, unable to bear the stare of the heavenly being.
“Mr. Haverson, how did you deal with your mothers death?” Metatron finally asked, waving his hand again to silence the objection growing inside Michael's mouth.
“Same way anyone my age would. I got hammered and tried to forget about it. I didn't have anyone I could talk to and all my friends just pissed me off. I decided I would put it out of my mind. I knew she was dying for years I was just waiting for it to happen,” Craig replied, looking off into the distance. “I think she was happier dead because of how suffering she went through during her final years. Treatments and drugs that didn't work and just destroyed her hope.”
The court room became silent during Craig's testimony. Metatron and Michael listened closely and stopped scribbling down notes to listen to this description. The silence was broken by Metatron who then said:
“It sounds like her death hit you harder than you give it credit for. I would estimate her death made your entire college experience less enjoyable.”
“Well,” Craig began. “I noticed after that my friends seemed less and less the people I first met. They seemed distant to me, but I just shrugged it off. My entire college life had been dedicated to getting a career I could be secure in, so I wouldn't have to deal with trouble and live peacefully.”
“And you did just that!” Michael shot in. “In fact before your demise you had a promotion coming up, and your second child was on the way. This is a good time to present people's evidence number two, your job.”
Craig looked over at Michael as he filed through his briefcase to produce another small clump of papers and notes. Michael fell into them devoutly, skimming over them fast enough to light a fire with his frenzied eyes.
“Aha!” Michael exclaimed. “You see, you got a job working for a big business firm running their IT department. You worked your way up and became a team leader. How is this the situation of one ready to commit themselves to a suicidal end? You managed to gain not two but three raises in your ten year tenure there and I know there was talk of a possible manager position for you next year.”
He stopped for a moment to pace around the center of the court room again, pausing to collect his thoughts for his climax. Craig quickly looked behind him to the rows of empty seats but when he turned he noticed something peculiar. The seats had disappeared. All the lay beyond the desks for the two side was a white expanse, with the large oak door seeming to be far off into the distance. Michael continued his tirade unfazed by the room's metamorphosis :
“You almost married during this ten year period in your life did you not? A beautiful wife who was a friend of a friend at your college. I believe you two met again at a convention you went for work correct? You got married a year after you met and had a child when you both turned thirty-five. A girl correct?” Michael questioned as he peered over his papers and notes once more. “Her name was Elizabeth and she is now currently eight years old. Your wife is pregnant with a boy now as well. Your marriage had a couple rough spots but it really was better than most at your age. Why is it that such a situation would prompt suicide?”
At this point the prosecution had been whipped into a frenzy. Michael appeared to glow as he became more and more engaged in his arguments and eventually he lifted from the ground, slowly at first but then higher and higher until he had matched the judge in height. He threw his papers away while the air in the room started to whirl and wind its way about the room. Suddenly, he fell and composed himself, adjusting his tie and picking up his notes that had been tossed around the room.
“Well then,” Metatron said. “Now that the prosecution has finished his ranting and raving, it is time for your defense Mr. Haverson.”
“Well first of all, I would like to talk about my job,” Craig began, darting his eyes from the judge to the unstable celestial sitting next to him in the court room. “and how droll it was. I picked up the job out of college because an old friend of mine got me an interview and I needed to pay off my loans. Turns out I made it into a career. Great right? Well just like the rest of my life, I just coasted through this position. I didn't enjoy the work, I just did it because it paid me enough to live.”
Craig looked down at his feet and felt terrible. The more he defended himself the more and more he began to reaffirm his decision to end his life. He never lived his life anyway. He just mechanically survived in the modern world.
“And I love my wife. She is a wonderful person and a great mother, but she doesn't need me.” Craig started to choke up. “She could find any number of guys like me and never have to worry about caring for her family. My daughter was the light of my life, but she doesn't need her father. She is slowly becoming her own person. Work always kept me away from her anyway.”
Michael quickly harkened on this point and started with his objections
“If this is the case, then how did your mother's death hold such a grip on you? She never was kind to you and treated you just a callously as you treated your daughter, so how can you be so irresponsible to say it won't affect her the way it strongly affected her?”
Craig chuckled quietly, the act of which made a look of disgust appear on Michael's face.
“You see prosecutor, my darling daughter holds the spark of life in her. She is still bubbling and loving. Innocence recovers from death. My mother's death held on to me because of how much she had affected me, and how the realization of her effects angered me so.”
Michael looked ready to jump into the argument once again but stopped, proping up his head with his palm and staring vacantly off into the distance.
“ My son will be born into a world of chances that wouldn't be there with my presence around. You see judge, I didn't kill myself to end my life, I killed myself to stop pretending I had one.”
Metatron looked harshly towards the defendant and eyed him carefully.
“You mean to say that you rejected God's gift of life simply out of apathy for said gift?”
“No, Judge I appreciated the life I was given. However I wasn't living it. I felt like the audience to the most boring movie in the world. Every day was exactly the same and nothing changed in me to feel otherwise. My life had no meaning Judge!”
Metatron and Michael gasped in shock at Craig's final statement and quickly Michael began writing furiously while Metatron quickly tried to compose himself.
“God gives such a life meaning not you!” Metatron exclaimed. “You do not decide what is meaningful or not, your life has meaning because you are living it! You could be homeless on the street and addicted to drugs and your life would still have meaning! How dare you insult God's design in this court room!”
“That is the point judge!” Craig quickly retorted. “God's gift of meaning never graced me! I lived my life like an animal, doing just what is necessary to survive and nothing else. I never established a relationship with myself and simply did what was expected, never what I truly wanted because I didn't know myself what I wanted in the first place! If God picked out such an ant-like existence for one his children then I hope Hell treats me well!”
Craig took a minute to calm down and reorganize his thoughts. He fixed his clothes, which he just now realized were even on him, and walked to the center of the room, noticing the door was farther away than ever before, appearing as a dark speck on the horizon. He surveyed the musty room before stopping his gaze on the flustered Metatron behind the judge's bench.
“Judge, I am a man who sees a life without meaning,” Craig said calmly. “I realized this in my bed late at night and determined mine is not a life that needs living. While falling I didn't even feel at peace like one might expect. I just saw the waves below as another part of my life I'll never care about. My last words were simply 'I hope this doesn't hurt'. How can God want such an apathetic existence? Answer me this gentlemen!”
Metatron sat quietly while Craig spoke, and absorbed the information careful, never breaking his gaze from Craig's figure. Michael was stunned, quickly looking from the blasphemer to Metatron, searching for someone to explain the situation and offer up something for him to stand on. After
a long, nail biting pause Metatron stood up slowly and pointed his gavel towards Craig.
“You are a man of free will, another gift of God that has both blessed and cursed man kind since Adam's betrayal of God's love. The apple of Wisdom was for Adam the beginning of meaning in his life void of reason. By gaining the fruits of wisdom and knowledge of good and evil, he was able to truly live the life God had promised man. His expulsion from Paradise was simply a way for God to teach him the way to live in the harsh world he had created. I believe that your suicide as a submission to meaningless is much like Adam's betrayal in search for more than the simplicity of a life without meaning. I am granting you access to Heaven, Craig Haverson.”
“Wait Metatron! This is sacrilege! You can't be ser-” Michael was cut off from an absent wave of Metatron's hand.
“He will enter Heaven, Michael. He must. He desired to live the life that God had given him, rather than to just exist within it. For that, this suicide is not a blasphemy but more so plea for meaning in an meaningless world. God's love is most certainly for this man before us today. This man is the very image of a free thinking human, and God will be most pleased to add his soul to the glory of Heaven.”
“Suicide is a direct rejection of God's gifts! Metatron this is completely against everything He wishes!” Michael said.
“Silence!” Metatron bellowed out to the courtroom. “My decision is final! He will enter the white gates and be among the angels. He is a special child and will be received as such! Go now Craig Haverson, it is time to leave this Purgatory and meet St. Peter.”
Craig looked up as he slowly rose from his seat into the glowing fluorescent light. His mind grew blank as he came to the light's beginning and slowly began to feel warmth spread throughout his body as faded from consciousness.