4 weeks later
I hate when people play games. I hate the "well, I'm not gonna call them until they call me" bullshit. I hate the whole sugarcoating of things. I hate keeping things secret because you're afraid of what others will think or what the outcome will be. The truth is, doing these things just creates more hassle and frankly it makes the situation worse. Instead of extinguishing the fire when you can, you just let it smolder, until it gets out of control and can never be put out.
Last night I felt this sinking feeling in my gut or maybe it was my heart. Like something was going to happen, something bad. Logically, I have no reason to feel this way. Everything is going great now. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. And now every last part of me feels right. But, there's still that foreboding feeling and I absolutely hate it.
So, maybe I'll end up digging myself a hole, or I'll be distant, or even pensive. But, I'm here. That's what I want him to know. I'm here, he has all of me. And no matter what, I'll still be waiting. I hold every person I meet like a treasure and this is one I would give my life so I wouldn't have to let go. I just want to shout those three words at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear, those three words that we all want to hear but are too afraid to speak except in whispers.
Yeah, maybe I'm in over my head, maybe I feel too much. But I have to be honest. I've never been this honest with myself, and my bleeding heart is pinned tightly to my sleeve.
I hate "what ifs". I never want to regret something I didn't do. I'd rather regret something I did do and know at least I tried. At least I lived. At least I experienced. And I am living. I'm not turning back. And with each twist and turn I feel myself growing stronger and I feel my emotions swelling inside of me. All I can hope for is a smile in return. To hear that steady heart beat and those words whispered in my ear. And so far my hopes are becoming reality.
My brother's right. I should stop thinking. I only make myself worry and it's all just so silly.
Last night I felt this sinking feeling in my gut or maybe it was my heart. Like something was going to happen, something bad. Logically, I have no reason to feel this way. Everything is going great now. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. And now every last part of me feels right. But, there's still that foreboding feeling and I absolutely hate it.
So, maybe I'll end up digging myself a hole, or I'll be distant, or even pensive. But, I'm here. That's what I want him to know. I'm here, he has all of me. And no matter what, I'll still be waiting. I hold every person I meet like a treasure and this is one I would give my life so I wouldn't have to let go. I just want to shout those three words at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear, those three words that we all want to hear but are too afraid to speak except in whispers.
Yeah, maybe I'm in over my head, maybe I feel too much. But I have to be honest. I've never been this honest with myself, and my bleeding heart is pinned tightly to my sleeve.
I hate "what ifs". I never want to regret something I didn't do. I'd rather regret something I did do and know at least I tried. At least I lived. At least I experienced. And I am living. I'm not turning back. And with each twist and turn I feel myself growing stronger and I feel my emotions swelling inside of me. All I can hope for is a smile in return. To hear that steady heart beat and those words whispered in my ear. And so far my hopes are becoming reality.
My brother's right. I should stop thinking. I only make myself worry and it's all just so silly.