(no subject)

[lorahberry]

last night i had a really terrible dream. i guess we were all in espana, still, and in el campo for the night to sleep. it was really hot and it was hard to sleep, and we all had different dormitorios, but they were really close together. and then miraculously my parents were there!!! so i turned on the light and we were going to stay up all night talking, and we were laughing and having a fabulous time as we usually do at home these days. a few minutes later, julia came in to ask "lo siento pero...." because we were being too loud. so we tried to be quieter. then i realized it was really hot and i had the energy to turn on the fan and air conditioner so i went into the hallway to turn it on so everyone else would sleep better. when i came back in, my parents were reading my spanish diary and staring at something and becoming very angry, upset, and disappointed - but they were misunderstanding what i had written. and nobody was happy and i woke up crying.

i don't know what that means because i went to see Julie y Julia yesterday with maggie and i cried like four times during it. seriously, laura? i love espana but god am i tired of feeling emotionally vulnerable all the time. i had a few really amazing weeks in there but now it's cooold and i have scary papers to do in spaaaanish and i really miss home a lot and i feel stupid for wanting to be there since i'm going back and this is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity. . . . but my mom said, Be kind to yourself. so i guess that's what i will keep doing.

Time and again, I find I'm listless (or rather, fistless)
in time that's what I find. So carry me to Mecca with what you may devise...
take me with you,
take me with you.
Don't leave me behind