One Year
It's been a year since the student paper I advised published that article that caused all the trouble. It's been a year since I saw a student newspaper come together for the first time and really be all that I had imagined when I started the class.
It's hard not to be sad about it, and it's hard not to wish I could go back and try things differently, just to see if I could get a different outcome.
To be honest, I don't think a different outcome was possible. I think from the moment I let it be known I disagreed, I all but guaranteed I would leave.
It's strange, too: I had a thought at the beginning of the 2009-2010 school year that it would be my last year. I brushed it off, thinking, "That's ridiculous! Why would I leave something I love?" But then it all changed. I loved most of it, but the stress and the hostility I felt from certain factions wore on me. At this point, even if certain people left, and even if they offered me a position there, I don't know that they could offer me enough money to tempt me back. Too much emotional baggage.
Occasionally, I have pangs of regret or longing, such as when I pass a high school when it is either starting or letting out for the day. A certain place in my heart twinges, and I feel like I want to throw up, or somersault, momentarily. But I'm somewhere I never thought I would be.
1 year doesn't seem like a long time, does it? But it seems that so much has changed in one year. Twelve months. Twelve months ago, I never thought I would be unemployed in one year's time. I never thought that thoughts of the school or certain people there would bring on waves of anxiety. I thought I would be fine there--if not forever, at least several more years.
Forgive my sadness and rambling. It's late, and I am still trying to reconcile all that has happened, and it doesn't fit into the plan I used to have for myself.
If my life is a puzzle, then I am stuck with some puzzle pieces that I can't figure out how to piece together. Have you ever put together a puzzle and seen some pieces that seem too odd to fit in with the pattern or color scheme? And you start to wonder if a couple of rogue pieces got slipped in there by accident? Yeah. I feel like my life is full of mismatched puzzle pieces. And I don't quite know where to go from here.
Mmmm. It's raining, and I can hear it through my window, and it is lulling me to sleep. And that is something I can understand.
It's hard not to be sad about it, and it's hard not to wish I could go back and try things differently, just to see if I could get a different outcome.
To be honest, I don't think a different outcome was possible. I think from the moment I let it be known I disagreed, I all but guaranteed I would leave.
It's strange, too: I had a thought at the beginning of the 2009-2010 school year that it would be my last year. I brushed it off, thinking, "That's ridiculous! Why would I leave something I love?" But then it all changed. I loved most of it, but the stress and the hostility I felt from certain factions wore on me. At this point, even if certain people left, and even if they offered me a position there, I don't know that they could offer me enough money to tempt me back. Too much emotional baggage.
Occasionally, I have pangs of regret or longing, such as when I pass a high school when it is either starting or letting out for the day. A certain place in my heart twinges, and I feel like I want to throw up, or somersault, momentarily. But I'm somewhere I never thought I would be.
1 year doesn't seem like a long time, does it? But it seems that so much has changed in one year. Twelve months. Twelve months ago, I never thought I would be unemployed in one year's time. I never thought that thoughts of the school or certain people there would bring on waves of anxiety. I thought I would be fine there--if not forever, at least several more years.
Forgive my sadness and rambling. It's late, and I am still trying to reconcile all that has happened, and it doesn't fit into the plan I used to have for myself.
If my life is a puzzle, then I am stuck with some puzzle pieces that I can't figure out how to piece together. Have you ever put together a puzzle and seen some pieces that seem too odd to fit in with the pattern or color scheme? And you start to wonder if a couple of rogue pieces got slipped in there by accident? Yeah. I feel like my life is full of mismatched puzzle pieces. And I don't quite know where to go from here.
Mmmm. It's raining, and I can hear it through my window, and it is lulling me to sleep. And that is something I can understand.